Month: January 2007

The Big Drive!

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I work 30 miles away from my house. It’s a nice 60 mile drive round trip and especially icky on winter days, but since we have had no winter yet to speak of, I thought I’d try the drive today on my day off from work.

I had a Dr’s appointment up in that area. I had Dave drive me up in my car to the appointment, then I drove home. The “busier” part of the trip was at the start, so the easier part was towards the end. It really worked out well, especially at that time of day. Noonish.

The drive didn’t really bother me. I noticed my concentration kind of wavered a bit once we got closer to home, but that may have only been due to the fact I was very hungry and there wasn’t as much to keep me at attention during that section.  You forget just how much you should concentrate while driving…and how much I just took for granted. It’s taxing.

As my friend Deb in NY said after I told her about the drive:“We forget how much concentration driving actually requires until we don’t do it for a while. Sometimes, some of us should keep in mind just how much we should be concentrating on our driving instead of putting lipstick on, lighting a cig, drinking coffee, eating something…(and I can do ALL of those
things AND drive stick, but really, should I?  I think not…)”

This was a big step today. I’m glad I did it. Not sure I’m just ready yet for the whole drive and it may not happen again for a couple of weeks, but at least I know my limitations a little bit and at least one way….it wasn’t bad. I was tired and my eyes were bothering me, but nothing horrible.  So, that’s a very good thing.

Walking

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When I was in the hospital I suffered from some serious back pain due to being bed-bound as well as the blood that leaked out from my aneurysm had to have some place to go and seeped into my spinal fluid. Actually, on a couple of days the pain in my lower back and right buttocks superseded the pain in my head! That’s how bad it hurt.

I knew in order to help alleviate that back pain and help my overall recovery, I needed to walk. Each day, once I was
moved to a semi-private room, with Dave’s help because I had to drag all the IV contraptions with me, we’d start a walking routine up and down the hallways, down to the waiting room, over to the Barbara Bush Children’s Hospital wing and back again. We’d do this always once a day, if I was feeling up to it, but usually twice a day. It made me feel like I was making progress, especially on the days when finally relieved of the IV’s and Dave had other errands to run, I was able to make it down the halls by myself with the walker, then the cane.

I was realizing on Monday that I was getting more exercise in the hospital than I was getting at home. Yes, I was doing more activities at home and at work, but nothing to exercise my body as well as my brain.

So I started walking on Monday. Not outside, not on a treadmill, just in he house for 15 minutes to start with. I did a pretty brisk pace and use the last 5 minutes as a cool down. I hope to continue doing that every other day and build up some kind of routine again.

Today, once I got this darn sinus headache under control, I walked another brisk 20 minutes with the last 5 minutes as cool down. I grabbed my iPod as well to get a little motivation
behind me. Nothing like a good old Kenny Loggin’s tune to help get the blood flowing.

Now, I realize I’ve done this a whopping TWO times, but it’s a start and one I need to continue.

Migraines

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As we were getting ready for dinner, I had a migraine. It had all the classic symptoms with my eyes “going” as I call
it, so I immediately took two Excedrin Migraine pills with some water and bread to keep it down and then the pain hit. And it lasted for eight hours.

Granted, if I HADN’T taken those pills, I would have been horribly sick to my stomach and in worse pain for a longer
period of time, but this wasn’t great just the same. It was tolerable. I got up and ate a bowl of the spaghetti that Dave had cooked up for dinner about two hours later and then went right back to bed.

Thankfully the pain was gone on Monday morning, but I had the hit by a train feeling that my family continues to compare it to after a migraine.

Both my sisters, aunt and mother have migraines. Apparently, once you hit menopause they go away…at least in our
family. I hope that’s the case with me!

Although I haven’t been able to read any conclusive evidence that aneurysm sufferers also have migraines, I couldn’t
help but think that some of the head pain I was just experiencing with this one was added on to because of the aneurysm. I think people who have aneurysms don’t and do have migraines, so I haven’t read a direct connection. I hope so,
for may family’s’ sake.

Of course because the Excedrin has caffeine and Aspirin in it, I was wide awake the entire time, which then leads me to think in bed…and that’s never good! LOL I think about my time in the hospital and the pain I endured there and what IF this isn’t a migraine and another aneurysm developing…it all comes to light when the might starts playing tricks on you under the influence of drugs. I hate that.

Sometimes Too Much

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There are several aneurysm survivor’s message boards/support groups out there online. While I was still in the hospital, I found it very comforting to talk to someone who was going through the same thing. If there were a local group here in Maine of people who survived aneurysms,  I’d probably be going to that as well.

But, for all the help, comfort and positive reinforcement I have been given on the message board I belong to, it can also be a bit scary. There are many survivors who have gone through, and continue to go through much worse after-effects and problems than I have. For those folks, I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine living with multiple unruptured annies. Little time-bombs waiting to go off unless they can be
operated on. I had one…I just didn’t know it.

There are people who have gone through less than me as well. Some are lucky enough to have found their annies during a scan BEFORE they rupture and have the surgery. We all go through some of the same symptoms, but no two stories are exactly alike, which causes me some upset.

Although my last MRI looked good, I’m worried that something else will show up on my angiogram in April. Chances are it won’t, but because I read a lot of stories of people who go back for a check up and something shows up, it has caused some concern. I hate to worry about something that may not happen, and probably won’t, but reading all the stores makes me think about it, which in turn….well, it makes me worry. I don’t lose sleep over it, I just think about it and have a twinge of concern. I’m sure as soon as the date for my angiogram gets closer, I WILL think about it more.

Sometimes I just need to step away from the message aboard for a few days and remember how lucky I am and not read the horror stories. I know that seems horribly selfish, but I need to think about me now and what I have accomplished and not take a step back and let worry consume me. So far, it hasn’t, but who knows what’ll happen down the road. Hopefully nothing! And I need to concentrate on that.

Survivor’s guilt hits me when I read the stories of others who are still suffering so much after their annies have ruptured. Why am I different from them? What led my annie to bleed less than others? Again…we’re all different, but the common denominator, and the reason I keep going back to the boards, is that we’re all survivors! God bless everyone who’s had an annie…ruptured or not.