Learning to Embrace My Dent

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I am learning to embrace my dent…dip, depression, hollow, or indent. I’m sure there’s a proper medical term for it, but that’s what I’m calling it.

Since the swelling around my incision and jaw line near my ear has finally gone down, it has exposed a small “dent” in my head off to the left of my forehead. Well, obviously, that’s where it is because that’s where the surgery was performed.

I have met several survivors of craniotomies and knew the possibility of getting one of these dents in my skull, but was hoping it wouldn’t occur with me. I’m not sure why I assumed I’d be some kind of special case! Truthfully, it’s not that big of a deal and probably no one would even notice it if I didn’t point it out…or write a blog entry all about it, but I am seriously noticing it now.

Of course I have an indent. The skin on my skull was cut open and splayed out for all the world to see and my skull was cut open. Um…yeah, that’ll happen with a craniotomy and brain aneurysm clipping. And I’m certain anyone else reading this who has had a craniotomy, (or several) know what I’m talking about. The one-inch strip of hair they shaved is not a big deal for me…it’s just hair. I’ll grow back and if it didn’t, there are extensions and wigs out there to mask that damage. Bucky Dent there in my forehead won’t grow back (I don’t think!) and with my thinning hair, I may or may not be able to get what’s left of my bangs to continuously cover it.

Oh, well…I’m alive. I have sight, hearing, speech, motor skills, and a man and two kitties who love me. Yes, I’m learning to embrace my dent. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, but there is nothing I can do about it at this point. It is what it is, right?

Film At 11

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I’ve seen many videos and demonstrations online showing graphics of brain aneurysm operations and medical personnel discussing procedures, treatments and causes of brain aneurysms, but the video below is by far the most educational one I’ve seen to date.

All of the doctors speak clearly and in a language the typical lay person can understand, but it’s the questions the moderator asks (some from viewers) that are probably THE most asked questions. When we’re at brain aneurysm events, many of those types of questions are asked of us. It was reassuring to know we’re speaking the same language as medical professionals.

It’s an hour long, but well worth it. The main focus of the video is coiling an un-ruptured brain aneurysm and the “what, why, and how” of that procedure, but they go into very good details on other treatments and causes of brain aneurysms. I think anyone out there who is newly diagnosed would find this very useful. It’s produced by Baptist Health hospital in South Florida and their staff members are obviously touting their own facility, which looks very good by the way, so if you’re from Florida…you’re lucky to have such a great team!

Brain Aneurysm Video

I have been through two coilings and now a clipping at Maine Medical Center from 2006, and I believe the Neuroscience Institute staff that MMC has acquired is now one of the top crews on the east coast. They’re highly skilled, diverse surgeons and interventional radiologists who can handle cases that were always sent to Boston. People should no longer question having their brain aneurysm operated on at Maine Med. We are very lucky to have this talented group of individuals and nurses helping our local community.

Tired and Grumpy

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It’s my 2nd week of working part-time from home. I was exhausted on Saturday after just working Mon., Wed, and Fri. I was glad it was Saturday…I needed the rest and I took full advantage and did absolutely nothing….well, only after I made tuna fish and pasta salads. THEN I laid down on the couch all day and enjoyed every last second of it.

The time change didn’t help either because we lost an hour. The mid-afternoon sleepies hit with great veracity, but instead of taking a long break and going back into my office to work later, I’m making myself work through it by getting up and walking and keeping myself awake. Not sure how that will work when I get back into the office, but it’s where I am right now.

The scar on my head has been aching and I’ve notice an indent where the bone flap/plate is more than I ever have before. Not sure if it’s because swelling has gone down or if there is still swelling around my jaw bone that makes the indent more pronounced, but I’m not crazy about it. I think I feel it more than I see it so it bothers me more as a result of feeling it. I’m having some trouble sleeping and I know I need my sleep, especially at night so I make it through the day better. Still wish I could sleep on my left side….I miss it!

Just feeling a little down. I know I’ll probably have to take it easy this year in the garden, which means I won’t be planting much, nor weeding much. Right now, my garden is too high maintenance and frustrating. Weeds take over, japanese beetles destroy all my roses and there isn’t enough sun for the plants that are there, so they flop over and depress me because I should be taking better care of it and I poop out after July. Why do I bother? LOL It’s just a big hodge podge of stuff. No rhyme or reason behind anything planted there.

I know bending over and overexerting myself will prevent me from doing the work I usually do each spring in the garden and that will be frustrating. I DID plant hundreds of tulips this past fall though, so hopefully, if we don’t get spring flooding and they all wash away, I’ll have a late spring display that will make me smile.

Fatigue, Shmatigue!

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I’m beginning to feel some energy coming back, or perhaps it’s because I have worked two days from home and took a real drive in the car. Getting back to a normal life is part of recovery, but fatigue is still evident.

The Brain Aneurysm Foundation has some really good explanations as to WHY one is so easily tired after an aneurysm. They say:“After an aneurysm, many people report that their energy is diminished after relatively little activity or effort. It is natural to want to return to previous activity levels as quickly as possible and many survivors become disturbed when fatigue gets in the way. Their frustration is often rooted in the belief that inactivity equals “laziness” or poor effort.”

Even though I’ve been through this process before, just on a different level, and KNOW the fatigue would be a part of it, it IS still frustrating. The BAF also says:“You should keep in mind that fatigue is a necessary part of the recovery process. Fatigue should be considered a positive sign of progress, rather than a negative sign that indicates poor effort, or ongoing disease process, or a “plateau” in the rehabilitation process.”

The following statement is the one I found to be the most telling and the best explanation on fatigue:“After a brain aneurysm, brain function is disrupted by damage to complex networks of brain cells (neurons). These networks must be repaired for improvement in function to take place, an internal process that occurs over time. The healing process takes energy that the brain did not have to expend before there was damage to the neural network. The brain works at recovering function 24 hours a day and in many different ways, including the reorganization of functions, the re-growth of damaged brain cells, and the cleaning up of debris. Without your knowledge, the brain diverts some of its energy to the process of healing, a process that significantly subtracts from available energy levels.”

It makes perfect sense that the brain needs energy for healing, and as a result, it diverts some energy usually used elsewhere to heal the brain and nerves. I get it now!

“It is important to emphasize that fatigue cannot be overcome by an act of willpower, or by making an extra effort. The human body knows when it needs rest and that rest is a restorative process.”

Now it’s a game of balancing being lazy with getting the rest I need.