Working

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Today marked the start of my third week of working three days a week. I put in four hour days the first week of Feb., then worked until 2:00 last week and tried it to 3:00 today. That might have been pushing it. If I didn’t have to drive home 30 miles afterwards, I could probably put in a full day….or maybe not.

With my disability running out in March, I’m starting to feel I’m on a strict time table to work a full 40 hour week, but I might not happen for awhile yet and I’ll just have to take the cut in pay and lose all my personal/vacation time if need be. I’m not sure if the disability can be extended if the Dr’s say I need more time or not. Looking into it.

It has felt good to have to get up in the morning and be somewhere, other than a Dr’s appointment. I’m feeling useful again and that’s really important. I just wish I weren’t so darn tired when I get home. It takes a lot out of me. I am sleeping better the nights I work, so I guess that’s good, but it also makes it hard to get up in the morning.

My annie-related headaches are decreasing in intensity finally. I find my eyes are bothering me more than my head right now. They get very tired and sore after working and driving and stores are still an issue. So I’m still recovering and have to remember that. I’m a long way from 100% still, but it’s getting there.

I’m trying not to complain to people at work when they ask me how I’m doing because in reality, compared to where I was in October, I’m doing great. I shouldn’t be complaining. Poor Dave has to endure my complaining. He’s been a saint through it all. I’m not sure I deserve him.

Lunch

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Today, was another small milestone for me. I ate out in a restaurant. A simple task for anyone else, but one I was very nervous about simply due to the fact that stores and busy p places bother me so much yet.

I had hoped to sit in a booth, but there were too many of us from work to sit comfortably, so we were able to get a nice round corner table to sit at. The window blinds, checkerboard floors and checkerboard table cloths had me worried the second I sat down, but other than very slow service, it went well.

I was pleased to know I can do that, but also amazed at how it completely exhausted me. We went back to work after lunch, and even though I only worked until 2:30, by the time I drove home, settled and got the mail, I fell asleep twice on the couch and was in bed by 9:00. Just not able to keep my eyes open another minute.

Going out to lunch with my co-workers again also felt great. I have really missed that human interaction and laughing and it give me hope that Dave and I can go out to eat somewhere nice again and it won’t bother me too much.

My 4-Month Anniversary

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On this, the 4-month anniversary (or “annie”-versary) of my ruptured aneurysm and coiling surgery, I am trying to reflect on what I HAVE been able to accomplish during my recovery, instead of what I still can’t do. It goes something like this

Four months from the time of my ruptured aneurysm, I am able to:

    Bend over without getting dizzy.
    Lift things heavier than a breakfast tray.
    Fill and unload the dishwasher without the aid of sitting down.
    Go downstairs to the basement.
    Do laundry.
    Go downstairs to feed the cats.
    Shower and bath unaided by a seat.
    Dry my hair standing up.
    Make meals.
    Sit at the computer for a few hours.
    Lay down without my head pounding.
    Control most head pain I have without Vicodin, but with Tylenol.
    Go into a store, albeit smaller ones still.
    Drive!
    Go to work part-time.
    Sneeze without fear of my coils exploding.
    Go to a movie.
    Fill the bird feeders.
    Walk without the aid of a cane.
    Laugh and not get too exhausted.
    See my psychologist.
    Read a little bit more and it doesn’t bother me.
    Make the bed.
    Make love. (it’s gotta be said for those other survivors who are reading this and are nervous about themselves.)
    Bake a cake.
    Clean the house a little bit more.
    Speak to other annie survivors.
    Plan my future!
    LIVE!

I’m sure there are more things I’m forgetting, but those are the biggies that I’m recalling needing so much assistance with during those first few weeks when I arrived home after 20 days in the hospital. There are still downsides to my recovery, but today I choose to acknowledge the things I CAN do now, that I wasn’t able to before. ‘nuff said.

I Had a Dream (a weird one!)

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I usually have very vivid, weird dreams, when I do have one. This one was no exception. And if you can hang on to the odd story long enough, there IS an aneurysm connection at the end.

I dreamt I was returning from somewhere on a very small, but long plane. There was one pilot and two aisles. I was traveling with some co-workers, as well as my regular doctor and other people from other walks of life and different locations.

As usual, I started to complain about how my sinus can cause me issues upon landing, so my Dr., seeing how she was on board, pulled out a syringe and gave me a shot to help with that issue. The problem…it was a shot in the nose! I vividly recall the sensation of that shot. It didn’t hurt, but wow, was it odd. It helped, just as they said.

Upon descending, the plane took an odd route and suddenly we found ourselves landing on a main drag…a road….a city
street!! Was there a problem with the plane? We didn’t think so. It was a small town, probably close to Manchester, NH and amazingly, the streets were empty and our plane, miraculously, was narrow enough to make it through these streets without the wings being clipped. What the heck was going on?

Finally word came that a huge propane explosion had occurred in the area. I’m guessing it was at the airport, which was why we had to land in the streets…I guess! LOL

We then got word (from where, I don’t know!) that the explosion had been felt some 35 miles away. Just then we started to see damage outside our windows at the plane continued to taxi down
streets. Every single window out of every single building had been blown out. The buildings, to that point, were completely intact, just not windows. Fire trucks and emergency vehicles were everywhere treating injured people.

Then we saw the huge plume of black smoke from the explosion in the distance, and as we continued to move, damaged buildings became more extensive and horrific. It was awful. Very obviously, people had been injured or killed in this area. The people on board the plane were silent.

The plane suddenly came to a stop behind a fire truck. We were still on a street. The plane was so small, it actually had a tarp as its roof! (I know…weird again!) The pilot had to pull
it off the plane from the cockpit. LOL As he started to pull the tarp off, people started to mull about and get off the plane. He immediately yelled at people that we’d be having a “meeting” with emergency personal soon to take us somewhere, but to please stay on the plane.

Well, of course, people being people, the second the doors opened (or the tarp came off!!) they started to exit the
plane. Our pilot was NOT happy and immediately started yelling at people to get on board the plane. There was a lot of pissing and moaning from other passengers about how “they needed to get off the plane, it was hot”, or “my
legs are tired, just let me look around”.

It was then, that I couldn’t stand it anymore and stood up on my seat and yelled at the top of my lungs, with great fury: “I had a ruptured brain aneurysm exactly four months ago. I could have died within seconds, but I survived. I’m living, breathing proof that people can survive one of these damn things. I’m lucky to be here at all.

If this plane had landed, or descended 10 minutes earlier, we might not be here due to this horrific explosion. Surely, people have been injured and lost their lives as a result of this incident, so shut up and get on the plane and be thankful you have your lives, limbs and luggage.”

And…then I woke up! LOL I wish I could have known if my little speech made people think and get back on the plane and be quiet. I recall in my dream they were standing there in silence as I made my rant.

I remember some dreams in extreme detail like this one. I think perhaps because today IS the four month anniversary of my ruptured aneurysm, that it played some significance for me.
But it sure was a strange way to go about it!