Category: Frustrated

Walking

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When I was in the hospital I suffered from some serious back pain due to being bed-bound as well as the blood that leaked out from my aneurysm had to have some place to go and seeped into my spinal fluid. Actually, on a couple of days the pain in my lower back and right buttocks superseded the pain in my head! That’s how bad it hurt.

I knew in order to help alleviate that back pain and help my overall recovery, I needed to walk. Each day, once I was
moved to a semi-private room, with Dave’s help because I had to drag all the IV contraptions with me, we’d start a walking routine up and down the hallways, down to the waiting room, over to the Barbara Bush Children’s Hospital wing and back again. We’d do this always once a day, if I was feeling up to it, but usually twice a day. It made me feel like I was making progress, especially on the days when finally relieved of the IV’s and Dave had other errands to run, I was able to make it down the halls by myself with the walker, then the cane.

I was realizing on Monday that I was getting more exercise in the hospital than I was getting at home. Yes, I was doing more activities at home and at work, but nothing to exercise my body as well as my brain.

So I started walking on Monday. Not outside, not on a treadmill, just in he house for 15 minutes to start with. I did a pretty brisk pace and use the last 5 minutes as a cool down. I hope to continue doing that every other day and build up some kind of routine again.

Today, once I got this darn sinus headache under control, I walked another brisk 20 minutes with the last 5 minutes as cool down. I grabbed my iPod as well to get a little motivation
behind me. Nothing like a good old Kenny Loggin’s tune to help get the blood flowing.

Now, I realize I’ve done this a whopping TWO times, but it’s a start and one I need to continue.

Sometimes Too Much

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There are several aneurysm survivor’s message boards/support groups out there online. While I was still in the hospital, I found it very comforting to talk to someone who was going through the same thing. If there were a local group here in Maine of people who survived aneurysms,  I’d probably be going to that as well.

But, for all the help, comfort and positive reinforcement I have been given on the message board I belong to, it can also be a bit scary. There are many survivors who have gone through, and continue to go through much worse after-effects and problems than I have. For those folks, I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine living with multiple unruptured annies. Little time-bombs waiting to go off unless they can be
operated on. I had one…I just didn’t know it.

There are people who have gone through less than me as well. Some are lucky enough to have found their annies during a scan BEFORE they rupture and have the surgery. We all go through some of the same symptoms, but no two stories are exactly alike, which causes me some upset.

Although my last MRI looked good, I’m worried that something else will show up on my angiogram in April. Chances are it won’t, but because I read a lot of stories of people who go back for a check up and something shows up, it has caused some concern. I hate to worry about something that may not happen, and probably won’t, but reading all the stores makes me think about it, which in turn….well, it makes me worry. I don’t lose sleep over it, I just think about it and have a twinge of concern. I’m sure as soon as the date for my angiogram gets closer, I WILL think about it more.

Sometimes I just need to step away from the message aboard for a few days and remember how lucky I am and not read the horror stories. I know that seems horribly selfish, but I need to think about me now and what I have accomplished and not take a step back and let worry consume me. So far, it hasn’t, but who knows what’ll happen down the road. Hopefully nothing! And I need to concentrate on that.

Survivor’s guilt hits me when I read the stories of others who are still suffering so much after their annies have ruptured. Why am I different from them? What led my annie to bleed less than others? Again…we’re all different, but the common denominator, and the reason I keep going back to the boards, is that we’re all survivors! God bless everyone who’s had an annie…ruptured or not.

Over Did It

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With the arrival of our new air jet tub yesterday, I really wanted to proceed with finishing the room. I haven’t been
much help at all in creating the room, other than giving my ideas and approvals. I had hoped to be far more involved, but the ruptured annie kind of put a monkey wrench into those plans.

Anyway! It was an ambitious under taking, but Dave and I wanted to stop at Lowes, Home Depot and a bath showroom today. I thought only one showroom and one big hardware store would do it, so it was the showroom and Lowes.

I did okay in the showroom, mostly because the amount of items displayed is fewer and their displays are very spread out. But Lowes pretty much did me in. We checked out some lighting (while wearing my sunglasses), then looked at fixtures, but I couldn’t do it anymore. We had planned on picking out paint color as well…didn’t happen. Frustrating. I did take some fruit and butter cookies with me as well as a big bottle of water and we stopped for lunch, but I didn’t help much as it usually does.

I had a pretty bad headache in the car on the way home and even an upset stomach. Not sure where that came from. I know I was tired from working yesterday, so I probably just bit off more than I could chew and did too much, but I really wanted to get some decisions made on the bathroom so we can get it completed. I know Dave must be a little frustrated because I haven’t been able to go with him to stores and pick things out. I know I am.

Maybe next weekend, or during the week we can get somewhere, but do it in smaller doses. We still have to take our Christmas decorations down!

Drat!

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I ALMOST had two full days without having to take any pain pills, but it was all thrown away on Friday evening when right after dinner and odd headache & neck ache hit me and stayed with me all through yesterday and last night as well.

I suppose when I’m feeling really good, like I was on Thursday, perhaps I do too much then pay for it the next day. I don’t know. Part of it was sinus I”m pretty sure, but sometimes when the headache hits in certain areas of my head, I start to recall that early morning on Oct., and start to fret about it a little. Even though I KNOW I don’t have another aneurysm floating around….at least since November.

Some things still really poop me out. Which leads me to believe, probably inappropriately, that if I were to start to
exercise, REALLY exercise, that I’d be too pooped out to anything else. Which may, or may not, be the case, but I still don’t want to push it. It has been three months in my recovery. I guess that’s supposed to be the magic number. We’ll see how work goes.