Category: Work

It’s Coming

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A huge, huge hurdle was crossed yesterday. I completed the 2008 Johnny’s catalog layout. It’s not done, by any means, but at least I know that everything will fit. The vegetable section alone is 92 pages!!

Just getting through this bigger catalog, was a struggle and one I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do since I suffered the aneurysm rupture a year ago this Friday.  The last two weeks were really rough. A lot of brain work and lots of time spent staring at the computer screen. It was difficult and I left many days with horrible headaches that stayed with me until I fell asleep and often times into the next morning.

With the annie-versary looming on Friday, this hurdle called for major celebration. So, to no only celebrate my living a year following the rupture, I’m also celebrating the layout completion of the catalog. And, I’m going to do it up right!

I have scheduled a massage, facial and manicure at The Senator Inn & Spa here in Augusta, then we’re staying in a spa suite over night and having dinner there as well. Dave has not smoked in a year and that’s another mark that needs celebrating. Just being together for a nice little getaway, close to home will be great.

There are a lot of emotions and feeling flowing through my mind as I’m getting closer to the anniversary. So, hopefully treating myself in a totally different way will be just the ticket.

Thoughts

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It’s odd. As the one-year anniversary of my ruptured brain aneurysm looms closer, as I repeat doing some of the same things I did last year, I get “nervous”. I can’t think of any other word for it. It’s like, if I do the same things I did last year, it’ll happen again or something. Even though I know it won’t. Silly really.

I also think about the things I did last year not knowing I had the little, well, NOT so little, time bomb there. The stress of work is bringing it all back heavily. How did I not burst an aneurysm during the previous years of the catalog? Why didn’t it burst during my most stressful days last year? Certainly, it could have been worse and I’m very lucky to be here to experience all the lovely stress of THIS year’s catalog process, but I can’t help think about last year and how close I could have come to facing the grim reaper.

It’s almost like I’m reliving last year, but this time with the knowledge I had the aneurysm. It IS making me take things slower and easier and I’m giving myself more breaks and trying to enjoy life more this fall than I did last fall. I’m just lucky I’m HERE this fall to enjoy it right? No one reads this…not sure why I ask questions! LOL

Yet Again

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I had another ocular migraine last night. This one had a little bit of pain associated with it. I can’t imagine why! Maybe a fight with your boyfriend and then your boss quitting during the week will do that! LOL I was due for a stronger migraine, but I’ll still take these ocular ones over any others.

After having a horrible day during the week however, I was pleasantly surprised by a co-worker who made a point of yelling across the parking lot on our way out to our cars to tell me how good I was looking and that it was so great to see me looking so healthy and that it was like nothing had ever happened.

It made me feel good and I sure needed that right now. I still have days where an odd head or eye pain starts me to let those feelings that something more serious is wrong, but so far, I’m able to fight them off. I think because in hind sight I think I DID have symptoms before my annie ruptured but I didn’t now it, that I now try to remember if I was feeling something then, that I’m feeling now. I suppose that’s an issue that will always be a part of my life now.

I really am doing well although I still have stamina issues and get out of breath easily and my eyes still bother me when staring at my computer too long. But, for the most part, I feel good and am enjoying my garden and our new boat.

8 months ago, it was a very different story. I’m very lucky and anytime I’m reminded of that, is a good thing.

Working

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I have been a couple of weeks at work full time now. This past week was a good test for the upcoming catalog season late summer and fall. I’ve been working on some mock-up catalog layouts for my superiors to look at so I suppose you could say I’ve been in mock catalog mode….minus the horrific stress and deadline involved, however.

I have been TRYING to force myself to step away from my computer throughout the day. If I don’t, my eyes and head really bother me by late afternoon. There have been wet and some cool weather conditions recently, but I’ve gone outside to eat lunch making myself get up from my computer screen. People think I’m nuts for eating lunch in my car, but I can rest my head back on the head rest, listen to my CDs, read a magazine, eat my lunch and not have to speak to anyone…quietly. At the picnic table, I can’t sit back and rest my head, the seats aren’t cushioned, I can’t listen to my music and chances are I’ll need to speak to someone if they come out. Not that I’m THAT horribly anti-social, but sometimes I’d just prefer to sit and be
with my own thoughts and rest away from my computer.

I’ve really worked my brain hard this past week. More than I have yet since returning to work full time. And the way my eyes and head feel by the end of the day has me concerned on how I’ll do come August & September when I’m at my busiest and most stressed. My rupture occurred last year as I had just completed the physical layout, but I still had a LOT of work to do. I did ask about the catalog while in ICU, but just realized there wasn’t anything I could do about it now and this (my life) was far more important. They’d just have to do without me…and they did. I’m not that full of myself to know that I can’t be replaced. It has just always been my responsibility.

Obviously, I’m worrying about something that may or may not happen, but I am concerned how I’ll do under the serious stress and pressure during catalog this year. Although I have been fortunate to be able to work from home one day a week the last couple of years during the busiest time, I feel I may need more of that this year. To be able to really concentrate without interruptions this year may be more important than ever. My brain is still recovering. I have to remember that. I’m just afraid, like I ALWAYS do, that I’ll overdo it and then be useless to them.

If this rupture has taught me anything, it’s that I’M more important than any job. The last six or so years, that catalog has been more important than my life. My priorities need to change. Yes, I have a very important job to do. Yes, I’m the only one who does that layout. Yes, I’m the only one responsible for completing it, but when I can leave work at 5:00 and still complete the work I need to do the next day, I should do it instead of working 14 hour days simply because the office is so much more quiet after every one else leaves.

I haven’t enjoyed Maine’s’ fall season once since I’ve move to Maine except for my first year here…when I did not work at Johnny’s. My bosses aren’t holding a gun to my head…I am. I NEED to take some time away from the catalog especially on weekends. Make myself remember that I’ve been given a second chance to enjoy a Fall and I should take it. Last year I spent fall in the hospital. 20 days. When I entered the hospital, the fall foliage was just starting to come into color in our area. When I left the hospital…all the leaves were on the ground and the tree branches were bare. I had missed it all…again.

Basically, I need to continue to stop and smell the roses…or the ice cream…or the crisp Fall air….or a cup of Earl Grey tea.