Even More Difficult Post

Those damn aneurysms have claimed yet another beautiful person; one of my older sisters, Dori. The damage done during the rupture was too severe for any kind of a recovery so we had to let her go. Our hearts are breaking.

Such a vibrant, fun-loving individual, my sister was an incredibly hard worker and usually put other people’s needs in front of her own. She will be missed by more people that even she realized I’m sure.

I’m going through so many emotions of not just losing my sister, but of my nephew losing his mother, my brother-in-law losing his wife and my mother losing a daughter.

Then there’s the aneurysm aspect. As with Kim’s death in 2008, I’m faced with my own mortality and reality of my two aneurysms and it’s disturbing and frustrating. Why did I survive my rupture and those two beautiful individuals did not.

I have to use Dori’s death as an example of what can happen in a familial situation if a sibling is not checked. I hate that I have to use her story because it IS so personal and effects me so deeply, but I have to. Dori supported me so much and I need to support her now…even if it’s far too late.

And we need to celebrate her life, not mourn her death. Rest in peace dear sister, I love you.

Difficult Post

Over the years since my ruptured brain aneurysm, it has been very easy for me to simply copy & paste links to other people’s aneurysm stories of hope, struggle and survival. However, this particular entry is one of the most difficult I have posted because it affects me and my family personally.

Two weeks ago, on Mother’s Day, my older sister Dori suffered a serious ruptured brain aneurysm. Damage was done to her brain stem and a secondary part of the rupture created another hemorhage deeper into her brain tissue. If her husband had not been home and close to where she collapsed, she may not have even made it to the hospital. But after a trip to a local hospital, then a helicopter flight to Buffalo General, she is hanging on, but barely. She’s been treated by some of the top Dr.’s in the country including Dr. Snyder and Dr. Sorkin.

They coiled the 6 mm aneurysm with 3 coils, but because the secondary hemorrhage created more blood, a clot had also formed and they had to remove part of her skull to remove the clot from her brain. She has been in a coma since the surgery, non-responsive, on a breathing ventilator and still suffering vasospams and seizures. The heavy sedation she has been under due to the seizures, has prevented them from getting a complete and thorough neurological exam to determine the amount of damage and her chances of any kind of a recovery.

It has been heartbreaking and frustrating. And at times I almost wish I were not as well versed in aneurysm issues as I am because I know the seriousness of the situation as a result. Injury to the brain stem is so severe because it is similar to the motherboard of a computer being disrupted or destroyed. The brain stem, controls consciousness, respiratory (breathing), heart rate, ocular (eye) movement, dilation and contracture of the pupils in response to light/darkness, swallowing and facial movement and all neurological signaling from the brain to various muscle groups. The brain stem literally controls all that we do and how we process the things that we do each day. Right now, Dori isn’t doing most of these things on her own.

She has also developed pneumonia and has been dealing with a fever although we’re hoping that has gone away now. How much can one person be dumped on? Lighten up God, would you?

Dori was with me from day one of my rupture in 2006. She immediately flew out to Maine to be with me and Dave during my surgery. As I have stated repeatedly, I’m one of those very lucky ones who survived her rupture with no further deficits. Dori was there after my surgery as I was wheeled out of the recovery room to ICU and was complaining about how thirsty I was and the tape residue on my mouth from the breathing tube. She comforted Dave through it all. They cried together and they laughed together when I started joking straight out of surgery.

She also flew into Maine to be with me last year when I had my recoiling of my larger aneurysm done. I now have 20 coils in that one aneurysm and another smaller aneurysm was discovered along the way that we’re watching. Dori was able to meet my new doctor, Dr. Ecker, who ironically trained at Buffalo General and most of the Dr’s and a lot of nurses we spoke to there remembered him.

I wasn’t able to greet Dori and be there for her when she went into surgery. Unfortunately, at the time, Dave and I were in England. My family struggled with telling me, but finally decided they had to. We cut our trip a week short and flew home from England as soon as we could and joined my family at Dori’s beside. Truly devastating to see her in the condition I was presented with. Her long, thick hair was gone, shaved to do the clot removal. Her head bandaged and wired, along with a drain. The breathing tube and ventilator doing the work for her. Every type of monitor attached to her that could be. Heartbreaking…..heartbreaking. Why couldn’t she have come through her rupture in the shape I did? Several reasons I believe.#1, God just had other plans I suppose, but #2, I firmly believe Dori was having symptoms of the aneurysm weeks (perhaps even a month) before her rupture. She’s been having back issues since last November and had back surgery scheduled. She was in horrible pain for months and was unable to work. During that time, however, she suffered what she thought was a migraine. My family is susceptible to migraines and both my sisters and I, as well as my mom and some cousins all have suffered them in some form or another. This time, however, Dori knew it was different. Then she had boughts of nausea that went on for a few more weeks. Her husband took her to the ER, then took her to an acute care center. The acute care center was more of a clinic without full medical facilities of an emergency room situation. They were there because they were offered quicker service. Frankly, I’d rather have more completed care, but that was their decision.

Apparently the last time she was taken to the acute care Ccnter, she DID ask to have a CT scan. Either they refused, or they didn’t have the facilities. And even after telling them her sister and cousin had had brain aneurysms….they didn’t even insist she go to an ER. Very, very, very frustrating to find that out because her rupture MAY have been prevented. More heartbreak. And her husband told me after her back surgery she told him she just didn’t feel right. God, she should have been looked at.

I’ve been trying to get both of my sisters to get scanned for aneurysms since my ruptured. They’re both at high risk simply by being smokers and having a 1st degree relative with aneurysms (I now have two) and two 1st cousins who have had aneurysms. If discovered, an aneurysm can be treated before it ruptures preventing rupture, stroke and death. I hate, HATE that it takes something like to this open people’s eyes, but I guess it has. We need to get my other sister scanned, and soon.

I am hoping and praying Dori will show signs of something soon. She has a beautiful 15-year old son and husband who need her and God knows I need her. She’s the caregiver for our family…she helps everyone get through tough times like this….we need her here to help us help her. If God has plans for her, I wish he’d let us know.

3rd Annual KAT-Walk 4 Brain Aneurysm Awareness

The 3rd annual KAT Walk 4 Brain Aneurysm was held on another picture-perfect, early fall day on Back Cove Boulevard in Portland. Battling heavy off-shore breezes made setting up all of the tents, tables cloths, flags, and banners a challenge, but everyone banded together staking, taping, and securing everything just in time for the walk registration to begin. We will post photos when they’re all available.

With a small committee consisting of family members, some of Kim’s friends, and friends of those who have been touched by aneurysms, to say this walk is a labor of love is an understatement. With no local corporate backing or support, no local professional fundraising support, and no local participation from any medical affiliation, countless hours and money out of our own pockets has been spent to produce an event with great warmth and fondness. As I have said in the past, we may not have the most participants as other larger well-known walks, but what we lack in quantity, we most certainly makeup for with quality and heart.

Each year we have the honor of meeting more and more people who have been touched by this silent killer. For me personally, I have two first cousins who had brain aneurysms, but are survivors. I suffered a ruptured aneurysm in 2006 and had 16 platinum coils inserted into that large aneurysm. Two years later, my husband’s niece, Kimberly, suffered a sudden and massive aneurysm taking her from us at the far-too young age of 32-years old. Four years later that same aneurysm that ruptured for me in 2006 required another procedure and a smaller aneurysm was also discovered that we will monitor on a regular basis.

The KAT-Walk, using Kim’s initials as the name (Kimberly Ann Tudor), was organized to not only honor Kim’s memory, but honor other brain aneurysm victims and their loved ones. This year, our focus has started to lean more towards educating the general public to possible warning signs, symptoms, treatments, and resources.

After my rupture in 2006 the incredible lack of information immediately available to us in the hospital and at my own neurologist’s office was truly shocking. If I hadn’t been able to do online searches for myself while I was still recovering in the neuro-ward, I never would have known other people out there were going through the same thing I was. I was able to educate myself talking to other survivors online. My husband and I came to realize that you can’t expect the medical community to tell you everything unless you ask…and if you don’t know the right questions to ask, how are you supposed to get the helpful information need? Where are we supposed to go? Here in rural Maine, there was nothing.

I did not know that fatigue and depression would be a normal part of my life after my rupture. I did not know that headaches would occur due to dehydration and lack of sleep. I did not know that after my rupture, grocery stores would be an overwhelming experience like no other I had experience before. I did not know that my coils could possibly start to compact and allow blood to flow back into that same aneurysm. I learned all of this either by experiencing it myself, or reading about it online and talking to other survivors on message boards…NOT from the medical community. The two nurses who came to take care of me and check on me after I got home didn’t have tremendous knowledge about brain aneurysms either. They were terrific and a great comfort, but not exactly what I needed at the time.

When I was released from the hospital, they gave me a book on brain injury (not aneurysms) and not much else.

This year we were very moved when another survivor and her family joined the walk committee. By sharing their story with us and their experiences, our wealth of knowledge increased so we could help even more people. They were a tremendous help in setting up the walk venue and she proudly, but gently, made the entire 3 1/2 mile KAT-Walk around the cove and we were all extremely proud of her, especially since she is still having health issues related to her aneurysm.

Raising money and awareness has been our goal. We’ve had marginal success with both the last two years, but a more concerted effort was made to contact the medical community and news outlets for this year’s walk. It’s difficult to gage what kind of effect our efforts made because some people don’t make themselves known to us at the walk. We do not know if all of the hospitals that were sent press packets put out the posters, cards and pamphlets. We do not know if my own neurologist’s office placed posters, cards, and pamphlets out for other aneurysm patients within their offices. We do not know if the OR nurse we made contact with at the Dine 4 Brain Aneurysm event at Friendly’s came with a group of the hospital staff like she said. I’m not sure what else the committee could have done to spread theword and have more people in attendance and bring more attention to the walk and our cause. We do the best we can with the resources available to us. It’s all we can do.

And yet, we keep meeting more and more people each year who have been effected by brain aneurysms so we ARE able to reach and touch people which makes it all worth while. This year was no exception.

I met a young woman who’s father had a rupture and survived but with issues. She came to the walk to simply show her support and expressed her desire to become involved in some way and to thank us for doing something. Another person we reached! Score 1 for us.

Another survivor drove up from MA just for the walk. We met her at the Friendly’s event last month. She survived a ruptured aneurysm and had major brain surgery and is still struggling, but is bound and determine to bring awareness to the general public and the medical community so that others don’t feel alone and lost. She’s a force to be reckoned with and one I’m glad we found! Score 2 for us!

The story that touched us the most and hit home for all of us who knew our Kim, was a group of family and friends that used our walk to share their own story and grief. Another young woman, age 27, was taken far too soon by a ruptured brain aneurysm only two months ago. She was to be married next month. This wound is so very fresh in all of their hearts and we were very moved they wanted to join the walk and participate, especially since it was such a recent event. I hope the walk, and the people they met there, gave them some comfort. I hope they were able to feel a sense of “community” with other family members who have lost loved ones to aneurysms as well. And I also hope we were able to give them a little bit of knowledge to help them understand and cope with their loss. We look forward to getting to know this family more in the future.

No one on the KAT-Walk Committee receives any money for the work we do. It truly IS a labor of love and sharing our knowledge and insight with others is what matters most to us.

Because I was manning the Brain Aneurysm Awareness tent by myself this year, I wasn’t able to participate in the actual walk around the cove. So, this morning, on the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I decided to go for my own memorial walk on the path my husband made for me out in the wooded area next to our house. I thought about the people who lost loved ones on 9/11 and then I remembered our dear Kim and her joyful smile, her infectious laugh and the joy she brought everyone whose life she touched. It was a nice walk. I heard the birds, the trees were moving, the water was flowing by….it was ALIVE. I’m alive despite that damn brain aneurysm and if we were able to help one person during the KAT-Walk yesterday, it’s a good life.

The KAT-Walk 2009

It was a stunning day out and a stunning location along the Back Cove of Portland, where Kim spent a lot of time walking. Today was the first KAT-Walk for Brain Aneurysm Awareness. Dave and I got there very early for set up. Several tents, flags, signs and tables needed to be assembled. One tent for Dress For Success, one tent for Registration, one tent for the water and cheese that was donated, one tent for The Brain Aneurysm Foundation and a banner/tent that Dave made for our Starting Line. Then we had to post the many, many sneaker signs that Dave made. Among other things. Everyone was very impressed.

Almost 200 people showed up for the walk. Many others stopped to make a donation, but didn’t attend the walk. I’d have to say what we lacked in quantity for the walk, we made up for with quality. Salt-of-the earth people with compassion and caring in their hearts. Kim was definitely looking down on us. Approx. $2,500 was donated just today and there is more online and in the mail that we’re aware of. I’m now hearing well over $5,000 has been raised so far.

Kim’s dog, her pug Bella, lead the walk. Dave informed me after a few steps that he wasn’t participating with the walk, so I continued on by myself. Nancy couldn’t do the walk either because of her hip surgery last summer. So I plugged on and met up with one of Kim’s dear friends, Angel and she had a bad ankle, so we kept a slower pace, but made the entire 3+ mile walk and crossed the finish line in a little over an hour very
sore, but proud of ourselves. I’m sure a lot of people in that city walk, bikemor run that trail on a daily basis, but I don’t, so I was beat.

Everyone helped tear things down, which was a HUGE help, then there was a small reception over at a pub/restaurant at a golf course that Nancy always goes out to. Everyone agreed it was a good day and everyone agreed Kim would have been very pleased.

The woman, Ginny, from the Brain Aneurysm Foundation brought some great things to hand out and raise awarenessmfor the symptoms of aneurysms and the kinds of treatments. Magnets, fliers, brochures, key chains, pens and even DVDs. We were VERY pleased to see manympeople stopping at the booth and speaking with her. I had a short chat with hermabout my own experience with my annie and Dori and Rhonda, she agreed with me that you two should be check out given our family history with Debbie, Tim’s and my aneurysm. Of course, I now worry about Dave and Nancy too!

I took my camera, but never pulled itmout. There were many people taking photos and the sister-in law of one of the planners is a professional photographer and donated her time and services to take photos the entire day. I can’t wait to see her photos. I think she’ll have some really great shots.

We’re both exhausted, but it was worth it. I ate two brownies with a tall glass of milk when I got home and had an Ibuprofen chaser and a long soak in the tub.

I think Kim was looking down on us and smiling and telling God “See those signs? My Uncle Dave made those.”. It felt good to DO good in her honor.