Category: Kim

Milestones & Passings

Published on by heiditea1 Comment

Although today is the 18th Annie-versary of my ruptured brain aneurysm, celebrations of life are happening all around me.

Our small family was again reminded of the fragility of life and the overwhelming sadness and shock of a sudden death.

Three weeks ago my sister-in-law Nancy passed away suddenly after a short stay at a memory care facility at the age of 79. She ate breakfast, slumped over at the table and was gone within minutes. It was either a massive stroke that deprived oxygen to her brain, a massive ruptured brain aneurysm that flooded her brain with blood, or a heart issue. We don’t know. And at this point, it doesn’t really matter. Our family of three is now a family of two.

An early Thanksgiving dinner out in Freeport with Nancy

Then, during that same week, my niece’s father-in-law passed away due to complications from a fall. He had been battling several illnesses, but the suddenness of his injuries and the difficult decision his family had to make was all too real for our family…again. I was sadly reminded of the death of my sister Dori to a ruptured brain aneurysm in 2012. She was kept alive for a short time, but we knew her survival was not to be.

What should have been a care-free September this year for me to enjoy my first true autumn in Maine after 22 years of stressful workloads this time of year, suddenly turned into sorting through photos for a memorial, packing up clothing and items to either sell, keep, or throw out, and the sad task of making funeral and cemetery tasks.

September was still a busy month with our annual KAT-Walk & Karo-5k and Dave and I were planning on including remarks to honor and remember the co-founder of our organization, Artie, who passed away earlier in the year. Those plans were almost finalized when we lost Nancy just 7 days before the event. The KAT-Walk was named for her daughter Kim, who passed away from a rupture brain aneurysm.

Now we had to remember and recognize Nancy as well. It was a bittersweet day and we appreciated the kind remarks and memories people shared with us during the day. Nancy’s battle with dementia had started to take a stronger hold earlier in the year but she was looking forward to attending this year’s event. I think Dave and I were still a bit numb as we made all the announcements and tried to bring cheer and hope to the hundreds in attendance.

Kim, Nancy, and a bearded Dave

I struggle with how I should live my life now that I am retired. I’m eating more and moving less than when I worked, which makes no sense. I always complained I never had the time or energy to exercise when I worked 50 hours a week. Well, what’s my excuse now? I have all the time in the world, but none of the desire. It’s also terribly unhealthy. I’m not a great cook and my desire to be one is even less. So we’re not eating well either. Again…not terribly healthy.

So am I basically slowly killing us? With my track record of brain aneurysms and vascular health, I SHOULD be eating healthy, not drinking, and exercising regularly. I KNOW I should be. And with Dave being 10 years older than me, I should be even more motivated to cook better for BOTH of us and to exercise for when he slows down so I can step up and assist more.

Or do we just continue to eat crap and sit around and slowly fade away and wait to get some disease or illness that forces us to make medical decisions? Certainly the events of this past year make me look at all of that and our time left here on earth. I see other, older people living life to the fullest with activities and friends surrounding them. They don’t look their ages and don’t act it. I SHOULD be celebrating my survival of two brain aneurysms and I don’t know why I’m just not feeling it this year. Could be all the death and dementia stuff, right?

Life truly is short and as one gets older, posting pretty tea photos on social media for a few people to admire just isn’t as motivating for me anymore. Who really cares? I have a few followers and a few friends and family members who look, but beyond that, I’m not reaching the “outside” world in any fashion. And again…who cares in the grand scheme of things? When I’m gone and someone goes through the photos of the 2nd half of my life, it’s not filled with fantastic trips with friends to exciting places…it’s filled with photos of my tea-for-one out on the deck and cat photos. LOL Is that a life well-lived? I’m still figuring all that out. I better get my ass in gear and do it though before my ass is too big to do anything.

Me and my ass at the KAT-Walk. What’s with the socks?

Another quiet milestone happened back in January this year for the 10th clip-aversary of my 2nd brain aneurysm. It was clipped in 2014, just a couple of weeks after the sudden (there’s that word again) death of my oldest sister Rhonda. I’m proud I made the decision to have the craniotomy and relieved and happy I did it even though it was a difficult time. But what have I done with my life lately that makes me a better person? And why should it matter? Is there some rule that says if you survive something you HAVE to run a 5k to matter?

Dave and I are still going to get out this weekend and enjoy some leaf peeping in this beautiful state, but we’re doing it all with a sad undertone. I’m hoping the fresh air, nature, and beautiful fall colors bring us a sense of peace and comfort. We both need it.

Happy Annie-versary to me.

Those Left Behind

Published on by heiditeaLeave a comment

Last Saturday we held our 11th annual KAT-Walk & Karo-5k. For the first time in 11 years, we had weather. Granted it could have been much worse. The remnants of a hurricane came through the weekend before. We were lucky to only have some brief showers, clouds, and wind.

  • The honor board with name of those we have lost as well as survivors
  • We had 35 survivors this year!
  • 375 people

I think the gray, damp, cloudy weather reminded me of the reasons the walk was originally started. Dave’s niece Kim died of a ruptured brain aneurysm at 32 years old and her close friends and relatives started the KAT-Walk in her memory. It was named after Kim using the initials of her name: K for Kimberly A for Ann and T for Tudor. Her loss was felt so deeply by so many people and it weighs heavy on their hearts on this day.

My heart also bears the loss of my sister Dori on this day, who we lost to a ruptured brain aneurysm in 2012. I was very close to Dori and I miss her every day. I miss her laugh, her smile, and her joy for life.

Each year, our group continues to reach more and more families who have been touched by brain aneurysms. Their voices and pain join our choir as we come together and sing as one community in raising awareness and comforting one another.

It’s those stories that Dave and I add to our memory banks and emotional cache. The loss, the struggles, the victories, and the heart-wrenching tragedies are now apart of our own. What started as an event to honor the memory of our sweet, dear Kim and a place for each of us to project our grief, has now turned into a community gathering place from around the country.

As we celebrate and congratulate those who have survived, myself included, the lives of those left behind and their struggles to live life without those loved ones have also become our concern. Grief has no time table. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. You will be fine one day then out of the blue, in a location that has no connection to your love one, you can be overcome with emotions as strong as the day you lost them.

A ruptured brain aneurysm can strike at any time, any place, any age, any race, and both men and women. Often times there is no planning. No plan of action to avoid it or a way to prepare. Which is why we do what we do…if you’re lucky enough to have symptoms a brain aneurysm can be fixed. A life could be saved. A family could avoid going through heart-breaking loss or years of caring for one who survived, but with serious disabilities.

Today we participated in the Nolan’s H.E.R.O. Foundation 5th Annual 5K Run & 3.13K Walk in Pittsfield, Maine. Nolan Berthelette died from a ruptured brain aneurysm at only 14 years old. A heart-breaking and devastating loss for his parents Ray & Amy, his siblings, and the community. Parents losing their children is always difficult, but one so full of life and with so much more life left to live is especially painful.

I have attended four of their five events for Nolan, but for some reason today I was feeing Nolan with us. I can’t explain why. I just felt him there and he was saying he’s “Okay”.

  • Handsome Nolan
  • Educating Others
  • Our wee tent

It’s so hard for those of us left behind to continue life without those we love. Literally picking up the pieces. Finding our new “normal”. Reinventing family traditions. Finding ways to move forward and live without feeling guilty when we’re having fun without them.

Each year at our KAT-Walk & Karo-5k, I feel Dori & Kim. Some years more than others, but I know they’re there walking with me. One year we had a spectacular rainbow greeting us. One year, I had a butterfly traveling along side me while I walked the trail.

Dave’s niece Kim and my sister Dori

For those people like me, who have not only lost a loved one to a brain aneurysm, but also survived one as well, it’s a double-edged sword. I certainly know I had survivor’s guilt. Why did I survive and Kim and Dori did not? Kim who was so young at 32-years old and still had a long life of milestones yet to reach and Dori, who would not see her 15 year old son reach his 16th birthday. Why them and not me? There is no answer to that question. God may have had other plans for me, but I’m certainly not happy about it.

So, for two weekends in September…those left behind are continuing to struggle with loss and heart-ache, but we’re trying our best to move forward and honor those we have lost in a constructive and meaningful way. We remember. We feel. We DO something and try to honor them by hoping to save others.

I think they would all be proud of us…those left behind to carry on.

The Families

Published on by heiditeaLeave a comment

Since 2006 when my first brain aneurysm ruptured, Dave and I have come in contact with hundreds of families effected by brain aneurysms not only in Maine but throughout the country. Although some friendships and communications have varied in frequency as they have weaved their way through our lives over the years, their stories remain with us.

We shared last nights annual Dance for Brain Aneurysm Awareness fundraising event with many of those families. Today, I am reflecting on just how vast the brain aneurysm community is. Not only do Dave and I have contact with survivors and those who have lost a loved one, but we have met and become involved in the lives of their family members as well.

Learning how brain aneurysms effect an entire family is a part of OUR lives through the work we do with our group and each story effects us.

Last night I danced for the first time with a fellow survivor we’ve known for several years. He is a walking miracle. His recovery from a severe brain aneurysm rupture is remarkable. Learning to walk again, overcoming dramatic emotional struggles, and a memory pathway that is forever changed. I’m pretty sure I never stopped smiling while dancing with Dan for many reasons: he is a survivor, he is a fantastic dancer, and we have gotten to know his wife and young children. We know his life now. He is a part of our extended brain aneurysm family.

Everyone’s struggle is different, but the cause is not. Brain aneurysms can rip a family apart or bring it closer together. Dave and I have experienced both of those results with many of the people we have met and as a result we also begin to care and worry about their family members. We now know their children, their siblings, their grandchildren, their parents, their co-workers, and even their pets.

Some people have a massive amount of support from family and friends while other’s are not as fortunate. We hope those who don’t have that larger support system feel a sense of community and encouragement when spending time with others at our events. It’s vital we show them they’re not alone in their struggles.

With relatively new “family” member and brain aneurysm survivor, Carol.

The date of our annual Dance for Awareness is not by accident. The birthdays of two young women lost to ruptured brain aneurysms fall around this time: Kim Tudor, Dave’s niece, and Karolina Kurka.

Karolina’s family, during a time of intense grieving, came to our walk only a few weeks after losing Karolina. Since then, their family has joined ours in raising awareness and bringing their friends and extended family into the fold.

Each year after the dance, a small, solemn, informal ceremony takes places outside in the parking lot. A release of balloons, in the colors we use to represent Kim and Karolina, are released to the night sky into the heavens to honor them both on their birthdays. Some years it’s a small group, other years, it’s a larger group, but it’s always meaningful to the family and friends of these two young girls taken far too soon. This year, Kim’s mom Nancy, and Karo’s mom Mira, released the balloons.

One shouldn’t be afraid to celebrate the lives of those lost. It is very easy to let the tragedy and grief of their deaths overshadow the joy of the years we DID have with them.

I thank all of the families of those we have met over the years for inadvertently reminding me that it’s okay to remember the family members I have lost. It’s okay to celebrate their lives through OUR lives and it’s okay to allow someone else to love you and support you. THANK YOU!

Paws to Pause

Published on by heiditea1 Comment

For many who attended our 10th annual KAT-Walk for Brain Aneurysm Awareness yesterday, they probably did not catch the significance of a special moment for our family personally.

Because this was the 10th anniversary of the KAT-Walk named in honor of Kim, Dave’s niece who died from a ruptured brain aneursym, there were some special moments dedicated to Kim’s memory yesterday. One of those moments was the start of the walk.

The start of the FIRST KAT-Walk in 2009 was lead by Dave, myself, Kim’s mom Nancy, and Kim’s pug, Bella. Bella has been there to lead every KAT-Walk since Kim’s death, except yesterday because she passed away earlier this year after a long battle with illness.

Bella the dog leading the 2009 KAT-Walk
Bella leading the 2009 KAT-Walk

A month ago, our brain aneurysm group was lucky enough to be a featured community organization at a Portland Sea Dog’s game. The Sea Dogs are a double-A minor league team for the Boston Red Sox. As a part of our efforts that night, we had asked if their mascot, Slugger the Dog, could attend our KAT-Walk & Karo-5k to add some special local flavor.

Slugger showed up and had a lot of fun with those in attendance. Earlier in the week, I had suggested we start the walk with Slugger taking the place of Bella since it was the 10th year of the walk. Dave thought it was a great idea and Slugger helped Nancy and I hold the original banner created by Dave for the first KAT-Walk to start the walk.

2018 for website - 001

Carrying that banner with Nancy was sad, but also a proud moment because of the work we have done in Kim’s name and for those touched by brain aneurysms.

Times are changing.  People move away. Pets pass away. Our committe members are getting older. It gets more difficult to find willing, and physically able volunteers each year to produce the kind of event we want to provide the brain aneurysm community. But the hard work is worth it when hundreds of people show up to support each other and our efforts to raise awareness.

THANK YOU to everyone who attended and/or donated this year. We could not do it without YOU! And thank you to Slugger and the Portland Sea Dogs, for providing some comedic relief and a helping paw in a special moment.