Category: Fear

Migraines

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As we were getting ready for dinner, I had a migraine. It had all the classic symptoms with my eyes “going” as I call
it, so I immediately took two Excedrin Migraine pills with some water and bread to keep it down and then the pain hit. And it lasted for eight hours.

Granted, if I HADN’T taken those pills, I would have been horribly sick to my stomach and in worse pain for a longer
period of time, but this wasn’t great just the same. It was tolerable. I got up and ate a bowl of the spaghetti that Dave had cooked up for dinner about two hours later and then went right back to bed.

Thankfully the pain was gone on Monday morning, but I had the hit by a train feeling that my family continues to compare it to after a migraine.

Both my sisters, aunt and mother have migraines. Apparently, once you hit menopause they go away…at least in our
family. I hope that’s the case with me!

Although I haven’t been able to read any conclusive evidence that aneurysm sufferers also have migraines, I couldn’t
help but think that some of the head pain I was just experiencing with this one was added on to because of the aneurysm. I think people who have aneurysms don’t and do have migraines, so I haven’t read a direct connection. I hope so,
for may family’s’ sake.

Of course because the Excedrin has caffeine and Aspirin in it, I was wide awake the entire time, which then leads me to think in bed…and that’s never good! LOL I think about my time in the hospital and the pain I endured there and what IF this isn’t a migraine and another aneurysm developing…it all comes to light when the might starts playing tricks on you under the influence of drugs. I hate that.

Sometimes Too Much

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There are several aneurysm survivor’s message boards/support groups out there online. While I was still in the hospital, I found it very comforting to talk to someone who was going through the same thing. If there were a local group here in Maine of people who survived aneurysms,  I’d probably be going to that as well.

But, for all the help, comfort and positive reinforcement I have been given on the message board I belong to, it can also be a bit scary. There are many survivors who have gone through, and continue to go through much worse after-effects and problems than I have. For those folks, I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine living with multiple unruptured annies. Little time-bombs waiting to go off unless they can be
operated on. I had one…I just didn’t know it.

There are people who have gone through less than me as well. Some are lucky enough to have found their annies during a scan BEFORE they rupture and have the surgery. We all go through some of the same symptoms, but no two stories are exactly alike, which causes me some upset.

Although my last MRI looked good, I’m worried that something else will show up on my angiogram in April. Chances are it won’t, but because I read a lot of stories of people who go back for a check up and something shows up, it has caused some concern. I hate to worry about something that may not happen, and probably won’t, but reading all the stores makes me think about it, which in turn….well, it makes me worry. I don’t lose sleep over it, I just think about it and have a twinge of concern. I’m sure as soon as the date for my angiogram gets closer, I WILL think about it more.

Sometimes I just need to step away from the message aboard for a few days and remember how lucky I am and not read the horror stories. I know that seems horribly selfish, but I need to think about me now and what I have accomplished and not take a step back and let worry consume me. So far, it hasn’t, but who knows what’ll happen down the road. Hopefully nothing! And I need to concentrate on that.

Survivor’s guilt hits me when I read the stories of others who are still suffering so much after their annies have ruptured. Why am I different from them? What led my annie to bleed less than others? Again…we’re all different, but the common denominator, and the reason I keep going back to the boards, is that we’re all survivors! God bless everyone who’s had an annie…ruptured or not.

Over Did It

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With the arrival of our new air jet tub yesterday, I really wanted to proceed with finishing the room. I haven’t been
much help at all in creating the room, other than giving my ideas and approvals. I had hoped to be far more involved, but the ruptured annie kind of put a monkey wrench into those plans.

Anyway! It was an ambitious under taking, but Dave and I wanted to stop at Lowes, Home Depot and a bath showroom today. I thought only one showroom and one big hardware store would do it, so it was the showroom and Lowes.

I did okay in the showroom, mostly because the amount of items displayed is fewer and their displays are very spread out. But Lowes pretty much did me in. We checked out some lighting (while wearing my sunglasses), then looked at fixtures, but I couldn’t do it anymore. We had planned on picking out paint color as well…didn’t happen. Frustrating. I did take some fruit and butter cookies with me as well as a big bottle of water and we stopped for lunch, but I didn’t help much as it usually does.

I had a pretty bad headache in the car on the way home and even an upset stomach. Not sure where that came from. I know I was tired from working yesterday, so I probably just bit off more than I could chew and did too much, but I really wanted to get some decisions made on the bathroom so we can get it completed. I know Dave must be a little frustrated because I haven’t been able to go with him to stores and pick things out. I know I am.

Maybe next weekend, or during the week we can get somewhere, but do it in smaller doses. We still have to take our Christmas decorations down!

First Day Back at Work

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I went in for my first day of work yesterday. I showered the night before, so all I would have to do was fix my hair and face, eat breakfast and get my clothes pressed. Turns out, that may have been too much! LOL At least I’m not used to doing those things in a hurry anymore, so I was tired before I ever sat down in the car. Dave drove me to work.

Two other people have been using my office since I was last there on Oct. 4th, so I spend most of the day taking back my office, computer and my files. I had a lot of filing to do.

Just as it was when I arrive home from the hospital, it was a bit of a time warp in my office. File folders waiting for jobs to be completed and filed the week of Oct. 5th, were still sitting there on my desk. The catalog pages I had completed and had proofed, were sitting on my desk. My clock had stopped. My calendar on the wall was still on October. Just very strange. I had to become reacquainted with my office and my “stuff”.

I brought along some healthy snacks to munch on and made myself get up from my computer and walk down to the lunchroom to get them, as well as drank a lot of water. I was hoping to work until 4:00, which a lot of people thought highly ambitious my first day back. Turns out, they may have been right. Around noon time, I was pretty sure I shouldn’t push it until 4:00. I listened to my body today. I knew I probably COULD stay there until 4:00, but knew I SHOULDN’T.

So, after I ate and closed my eyes again for 10 minutes, for the 2nd time that day, I let Dave know I would need to come home. God bless him, he left immediately and drove the 30 miles up to pick me up. I was horribly tired and had a pretty nasty headache for about four hours in the evening.

Today, my head feels better, but I’m really, really dragging. I’ll try the work thing again tomorrow and see if it
continues to get better.

It was great to see everyone again. I really missed them and their humor. I laughed a lot, which I needed. I missed
the social interaction and feeling a part of something. It was small taste of getting my independence back again.

I am, by no means, ready for a 40 hours work week. But it’s a small step forward.