Category: Fear

First Day Back at Work

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I went in for my first day of work yesterday. I showered the night before, so all I would have to do was fix my hair and face, eat breakfast and get my clothes pressed. Turns out, that may have been too much! LOL At least I’m not used to doing those things in a hurry anymore, so I was tired before I ever sat down in the car. Dave drove me to work.

Two other people have been using my office since I was last there on Oct. 4th, so I spend most of the day taking back my office, computer and my files. I had a lot of filing to do.

Just as it was when I arrive home from the hospital, it was a bit of a time warp in my office. File folders waiting for jobs to be completed and filed the week of Oct. 5th, were still sitting there on my desk. The catalog pages I had completed and had proofed, were sitting on my desk. My clock had stopped. My calendar on the wall was still on October. Just very strange. I had to become reacquainted with my office and my “stuff”.

I brought along some healthy snacks to munch on and made myself get up from my computer and walk down to the lunchroom to get them, as well as drank a lot of water. I was hoping to work until 4:00, which a lot of people thought highly ambitious my first day back. Turns out, they may have been right. Around noon time, I was pretty sure I shouldn’t push it until 4:00. I listened to my body today. I knew I probably COULD stay there until 4:00, but knew I SHOULDN’T.

So, after I ate and closed my eyes again for 10 minutes, for the 2nd time that day, I let Dave know I would need to come home. God bless him, he left immediately and drove the 30 miles up to pick me up. I was horribly tired and had a pretty nasty headache for about four hours in the evening.

Today, my head feels better, but I’m really, really dragging. I’ll try the work thing again tomorrow and see if it
continues to get better.

It was great to see everyone again. I really missed them and their humor. I laughed a lot, which I needed. I missed
the social interaction and feeling a part of something. It was small taste of getting my independence back again.

I am, by no means, ready for a 40 hours work week. But it’s a small step forward.

The Ultimate

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The day I was wheeled into the operating room for my coiling, my boyfriend Dave, quit smoking.

To my knowledge (and I’d know if he were at this point!) he hasn’t had a cigarette in almost three months. I’m so very proud of him and am so thankful he did that. He needed to. He has low-grade emphysema and it’s also not good for people with aneurysms. I seem to recall the ER Doctor saying something to Dave about it as I was leaving the ER to get
into the ambulance for transport.

Although it was a horrible situation that caused him to quit, I’m glad things turned out this way. It’s so nice NOT
to smell that first thing in the morning and to smell it on his clothes, car and breathe. I hope it continues.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

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The Good
I finally got my car inspected on Monday afternoon. It was due in September, but with catalog work in full gear, I was taking the 30 grace period to the limit. Then with the hospital
stay…well, you get the picture. It was WAY over due and I really wanted to be legal before I got behind the wheel again. (oops…I drove the car on Sunday..shhhhhh…don’t tell anyone!)

So, Dave drove me to the dealership for the inspection and to have a tired checked out. All went well thankfully and we
were on our way. Dave’s truck had been in the shop for well over a week or two and it was ready to be picked up, so I agreed we’d stop to get it and I’d drive home by myself since it went so well on Sunday. This trip would mean a little
bit more traffic on some more tricky road patterns.

I did okay. By the time I got home, my eyes were bothering me and so was my head. It felt good to drive again though
and have my Christmas carols cranked up in the car. My favorite time of year!

But, instead of resting my eyes and my head when I got home, I jumped on the computer for a couple of hours and worked on some ads for work which lead to….

The Bad
My head continued to get worse and I continued to get more tired and weary. Right around dinner time I HAD to rest and lay down, then I went to bed quite early because I just did not feel good. I was paying for the activities today and it was my own fault for not resting when I got home. I have GOT to listen to my body more.

Tuesday morning I felt much better, but my eyes still felt like lead. Very weary, not painful, just horribly heavy. I did do some work on the computer, but not quite as much or at least I gave myself some more breaks. I did end up cooking a nice dinner.

The Ugly
I awoke Wednesday morning not feeling very hot. I didn’t get much sleep and then at around 8:30 I got a migraine. This time is really WAS one and it felt like it. Darn….I was hoping they would have decreased after the annie, but I guess not. I immediately whipped up some breakfast to get something in my stomach, then popped my Excedrin Migraine pills, which did help, but I still had some pretty severe head pain throughout the morning and afternoon. It came in waves.

I have no idea what triggered this one. I’m not under any stress at the moment. I haven’t been eating a lot of chocolate. I haven’t been drinking alcohol except an odd glass of wine. It’s not that “time of the month”.  I have almost completely cut out full caffeine tea opting for decaf and I haven’t been eating any peanuts…so all those so-called triggers can’t be blamed for this one. The only thing I can think of is the cheddar cheese omelets and processed meats I’ve been eating.

And now, because of the caffeine in the Excedrin migraine, it is now 12:18 on Thursday morning and I can’t sleep. Glad they help with the pain, but sometime’s that caffeine is a real pain.

Numb

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Last night, after receiving a nice bath recipe from
my friend Gwen, I was in the mood to soak, sans the recipe.

I like hot baths. Always have. But this time I got
the water a tad too hot and perhaps I’ll never be able to have this hot a tub
again. My heart was racing after I had been in a bit and a short time later, my
right hand went numb. This time, from the ball of my hand upward towards my
fingers. I cannot explain why this happens. And, luckily, I didn’t get a
migraine as I had feared the last two times this happened.

The numbness went away as quickly as it arrived, but
it still unnerved me. I quickly opened both shower stall doors to let in cooler
air. Grabbed a cold wash cloth and put it around my neck, but still didn’t feel
real great…very unstable, so I decided I had better get out…SLOWLY!

I was fine later. It never developed into anything
more thankfully, but I cannot pin point what has caused this all three times. A
rise in my heartbeat would make sense, but the other two times it struck, I had
been asleep, or laying, on the couch with normal heart rate, so that doesn’t
match with the tub.

Maybe it’s just something that’s going to happen
periodically from now on and I’ll just have to live with it. Certainly, I could
have much worse side-effects, so if that’s all that happens to me…no biggy!
It doesn’t hurt, doesn’t make me ill, it’s just very odd and a bit disturbing.