Category: Fear

Fear of Falling

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Okay, so I haven’t been dizzy, I’m not unstable, and I’m not overly clumsy. There…that’s out of the way! No, I do not use a cane. I used to…when I was recovering from my ruptured brain aneurysm, but that was in 2006.

I’m sure any, if not all, of brain aneurysm survivors know what I’m talking about. Since my initial rupture in 2006 and with my additional procedures this past spring, I’ve always had this low-lying fear of falling and hitting my head and causing further damage to my coils, stents and unruptured aneurysm. I know it’s silly, but it’s there.

I have “caught” myself from falling on a number of occasions and even that slight catch will jar my head and I’ll feel it. I’m sure only those who are here, know what that means and feels like.

Well, last Friday morning I fell up the concrete stairs into our new office building. Not used to those stairs yet. No, I didn’t hit my head, thankfully, but this is the first time I think I’ve really fallen and didn’t have control. It DID jar my head and that scared me. I just had to sit there a bit and take stock and realize, that although I had some scrapes and had hit my shoulder badly, I was OK.

Thankfully, I fell UP the stairs because I fear going down them would have been worse. I suppose this fear will alway be there. Just another added “benefit” of the lovely aneurysms.

Oh, and thanks to being on Plavix after my stenting in March, the bruise on my arm is VERY colorful to say the least! LOL Ice is helping, buy it’s damn sore.

Still, it wasn’t my head, so I’m thankful.

Things To Do This Week

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Yes, this week has finally come.

Wednesday (16th) I will have more coils added to my brain aneurysm after it was discovered in January that the 16 platinum coils that were inserted back in 2006
when it ruptured were either compacting or the aneurysm was growing and blood was flowing back into it. Since it’s an aneurysm that has already ruptured
once, everyone felt it was important to get this taken care of sooner rather than later.

The 2nd smaller aneurysm will be monitored. Right now there doesn’t appear to be a risk of rupture with that one, so it’s a wait-and-see-what-it-does kind of a mode. It may never grow or need any treatment…or it may grow or rupture. Who knows! Ah, the lovely, complicated, wonderful brain!

The hope is that they’ll do the coiling, I’ll be in ICU possibly just overnight, and I’ll be released to go home the following day (St. Patrick’s Day!). And if all goes well, that should be the case.

I have a small collection of things to take with me to the hospital on Wednesday. My “Get-Better-Bear” Care Bear my sister sent me in 2006, my comfy clothes for the ride back home, and I’m taking my iPad with me to keep me occupied. I have synced up an entire season of The Dick Van Dyke show on NetFlix as well as some podcasts. I know I won’t get any sleep in the hospital…they truly aren’t restful, but they treat you VERY well at Maine Medical Center. I had 20 days in the hospital in 2006 to witness that.

I’m told I may be very tired for some time (possibly weeks) after the procedure and may have a headache after the coiling. I know my groin will be sore. If you’re not familiar with endovascular coiling, here is good explanation. It’s ironic to have brain surgery and your groin to be the incision, but that’s one of the beauties of having coiling verses the far more invasive and dangerous
clipping, where they open the skull and perform open brain surgery.

It’s still a procedure on your brain, however and one that is not without complications. I’m confident with my Dr. that he’ll do what needs to be done and do it well. I only plan to take four days off work.

I know I’m lucky and I’m blessed with each day I wake up Dave and our kitties. May the luck of the Irish be with me this week!

First Day of The Weekend

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I spent the first day of this weekend keeping my mind and body busy. Groceries was first on the list, and what a list it was! Thankfully, the weather was better today. Two hours later I was home and ready to cook!

I thought I’d try some freeze-ahead meals for Dave and I so neither one of us will have to worry about getting groceries or meal planning and cooking at the end of the week when I get home from the hospital.

So, I started with a treat for St.Patrick’s day, assuming I’ll be home like I’m supposed to be. I whipped up the Irish Beef Hand Pies from Martha Stewart. VERY easy to make and freeze. I hope they taste good. LOL

Next on the list was a comfort food dish recipe from Martha Stewart for Macaroni &
Cheese. I think this will hit the spot. After that I made some low-fat blueberry muffins (not from scratch, but from a mix).

THEN I made Dave and I dinner, which was Mustard-Braised Sausage & Potato Skillet. A very easy, one-dish meal I’ve made before.

Needless to say, I was pooped at the end of the day and we lose an hour of sleep tonight with the time change, so I’m sure I’ll be a useless lump on the couch tomorrow. But I sure feel good about what I accomplished today and I know we’ll both appreciate the pre-made meals later in the week when we need a good dinner.

Tomorrow I start the Plavix and Aspirin routine. I’m hoping my system handles the new MEDS okay.

Time

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I’ve had several weeks, and a few more yet, to think about and process my upcoming re-coiling of my brain aneurysm. The mix of emotions and thoughts that goes through one’s head when you have the time is amazing! I’ve had every emotion you can
imagine…and then some.

But, the difference this time as opposed to the emergency situation in 2006, is that I can “plan” some things. I’ve recorded some of my favorite movies on our DVR to watch while I’m recovering at home. I’m going to stock up on my favorite teas to enjoy afterwards and I’m making sure financial bills and other important things are taken care of prior to 3/16. I wasn’t given that luxury in 2006. So many people aren’t given the luxury of worrying about it after a rupture either. I’m one of the lucky ones, even though I still have another aneurysm sitting there, I’m waking up each day. Yes, I’m one of the lucky ones, even though I have to worry and plan for weeks and weeks. I should feel lucky I have the opportunity to do so. Right? Right.