Month: February 2007

Lunch

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Today, was another small milestone for me. I ate out in a restaurant. A simple task for anyone else, but one I was very nervous about simply due to the fact that stores and busy p places bother me so much yet.

I had hoped to sit in a booth, but there were too many of us from work to sit comfortably, so we were able to get a nice round corner table to sit at. The window blinds, checkerboard floors and checkerboard table cloths had me worried the second I sat down, but other than very slow service, it went well.

I was pleased to know I can do that, but also amazed at how it completely exhausted me. We went back to work after lunch, and even though I only worked until 2:30, by the time I drove home, settled and got the mail, I fell asleep twice on the couch and was in bed by 9:00. Just not able to keep my eyes open another minute.

Going out to lunch with my co-workers again also felt great. I have really missed that human interaction and laughing and it give me hope that Dave and I can go out to eat somewhere nice again and it won’t bother me too much.

My 4-Month Anniversary

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On this, the 4-month anniversary (or “annie”-versary) of my ruptured aneurysm and coiling surgery, I am trying to reflect on what I HAVE been able to accomplish during my recovery, instead of what I still can’t do. It goes something like this

Four months from the time of my ruptured aneurysm, I am able to:

    Bend over without getting dizzy.
    Lift things heavier than a breakfast tray.
    Fill and unload the dishwasher without the aid of sitting down.
    Go downstairs to the basement.
    Do laundry.
    Go downstairs to feed the cats.
    Shower and bath unaided by a seat.
    Dry my hair standing up.
    Make meals.
    Sit at the computer for a few hours.
    Lay down without my head pounding.
    Control most head pain I have without Vicodin, but with Tylenol.
    Go into a store, albeit smaller ones still.
    Drive!
    Go to work part-time.
    Sneeze without fear of my coils exploding.
    Go to a movie.
    Fill the bird feeders.
    Walk without the aid of a cane.
    Laugh and not get too exhausted.
    See my psychologist.
    Read a little bit more and it doesn’t bother me.
    Make the bed.
    Make love. (it’s gotta be said for those other survivors who are reading this and are nervous about themselves.)
    Bake a cake.
    Clean the house a little bit more.
    Speak to other annie survivors.
    Plan my future!
    LIVE!

I’m sure there are more things I’m forgetting, but those are the biggies that I’m recalling needing so much assistance with during those first few weeks when I arrived home after 20 days in the hospital. There are still downsides to my recovery, but today I choose to acknowledge the things I CAN do now, that I wasn’t able to before. ‘nuff said.

I Had a Dream (a weird one!)

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I usually have very vivid, weird dreams, when I do have one. This one was no exception. And if you can hang on to the odd story long enough, there IS an aneurysm connection at the end.

I dreamt I was returning from somewhere on a very small, but long plane. There was one pilot and two aisles. I was traveling with some co-workers, as well as my regular doctor and other people from other walks of life and different locations.

As usual, I started to complain about how my sinus can cause me issues upon landing, so my Dr., seeing how she was on board, pulled out a syringe and gave me a shot to help with that issue. The problem…it was a shot in the nose! I vividly recall the sensation of that shot. It didn’t hurt, but wow, was it odd. It helped, just as they said.

Upon descending, the plane took an odd route and suddenly we found ourselves landing on a main drag…a road….a city
street!! Was there a problem with the plane? We didn’t think so. It was a small town, probably close to Manchester, NH and amazingly, the streets were empty and our plane, miraculously, was narrow enough to make it through these streets without the wings being clipped. What the heck was going on?

Finally word came that a huge propane explosion had occurred in the area. I’m guessing it was at the airport, which was why we had to land in the streets…I guess! LOL

We then got word (from where, I don’t know!) that the explosion had been felt some 35 miles away. Just then we started to see damage outside our windows at the plane continued to taxi down
streets. Every single window out of every single building had been blown out. The buildings, to that point, were completely intact, just not windows. Fire trucks and emergency vehicles were everywhere treating injured people.

Then we saw the huge plume of black smoke from the explosion in the distance, and as we continued to move, damaged buildings became more extensive and horrific. It was awful. Very obviously, people had been injured or killed in this area. The people on board the plane were silent.

The plane suddenly came to a stop behind a fire truck. We were still on a street. The plane was so small, it actually had a tarp as its roof! (I know…weird again!) The pilot had to pull
it off the plane from the cockpit. LOL As he started to pull the tarp off, people started to mull about and get off the plane. He immediately yelled at people that we’d be having a “meeting” with emergency personal soon to take us somewhere, but to please stay on the plane.

Well, of course, people being people, the second the doors opened (or the tarp came off!!) they started to exit the
plane. Our pilot was NOT happy and immediately started yelling at people to get on board the plane. There was a lot of pissing and moaning from other passengers about how “they needed to get off the plane, it was hot”, or “my
legs are tired, just let me look around”.

It was then, that I couldn’t stand it anymore and stood up on my seat and yelled at the top of my lungs, with great fury: “I had a ruptured brain aneurysm exactly four months ago. I could have died within seconds, but I survived. I’m living, breathing proof that people can survive one of these damn things. I’m lucky to be here at all.

If this plane had landed, or descended 10 minutes earlier, we might not be here due to this horrific explosion. Surely, people have been injured and lost their lives as a result of this incident, so shut up and get on the plane and be thankful you have your lives, limbs and luggage.”

And…then I woke up! LOL I wish I could have known if my little speech made people think and get back on the plane and be quiet. I recall in my dream they were standing there in silence as I made my rant.

I remember some dreams in extreme detail like this one. I think perhaps because today IS the four month anniversary of my ruptured aneurysm, that it played some significance for me.
But it sure was a strange way to go about it!

Doctor’s Visit

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I had a Dr’s appointment with my regular physician today. Not only is she my doctor, but she is my physical therapist doing some OMT therapy on my neck for probably going on two years now. I had not seen her since my rupture in October.

I wasn’t sure we’d get to the therapy part of my visit and I was right. She did some brief, subtle manipulation on my neck towards the end of the visit, but for the most part we spent the time discussing my aneurysm.

I also needed to get a prescription from her: The antibiotics I need to take before dental or any medical procedures for the rest of my life. As mentioned in another entry, I was not well-informed on this issue, but I now have a prescription to take four 50 mg pills an hour before any procedure. I hope to God they’re not horse pills and I have no allergic reaction to them. We’ll see next Thursday when I go BACK for my cleaning.

She was also able to get me a referral for a neurologist in the area, which I’m very glad about. The neurosurgeon she’s recommending is part of the group that comes up to Waterville that’s associated with Dr. D’Angelo, who was my neurosurgeon in Portland. I trusted him and liked him, so I would trust someone he hired to be apart of this group.

The big issue that arose during this visit was that she recommended, rather TOLD me, to stop taking birth control pills. She first asked if anyone had told me to stop taking them….um…no! She said there are many risks, not only with women my age, but due to the aneurysm and the surgery, there are other risks and that I should stop and think about having my tubes tied, or other options, I would need to discuss with Dave for obvious reason.

I was totally unprepared for this and became quite emotional during my visit. There was a lot of information thrown at me in a short amount of time, and I was totally unprepared for it and don’t even remember all she said. I didn’t really know why I became so emotional and apologized for it, but she reminded me: the aneurysm has caused so much disruption in my life, I have every right to be emotional and that it’s okay to cry, but it hurts when I do! Double-edged sword there. Not only the near-death aspect of it, but it has effected my health, my life, my love life, my work life, my play life……everything, so this one other, unexpected side-effect, kind of blind-sided me. I’m probably far too emotional about it than I need to be, but I can’t seem to stop it just yet.

I’m not comfortable stopping the Pill cold turkey without speaking to my OBGYN, which will be my next step.

So, todays visit helped resolve some issues, but brought up some new ones. We won’t have  PT session until April to still give me time to rest and heal. It’s coming up on my four month anniversary…..it truly hasn’t been that long in the grand scheme of what has happened, so I need to remember that.