Tag: support

Heidi's Brain Blog

Reminders

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Our monthly brain aneurysm support group meetings are a wonderful way for survivors, their supporters and for those who have lost loved ones to come together and discuss this horrible thing that connects them. The fantastic medical professionals who have come to speak with us have opened the eyes of those who haven’t been educated themselves and have helped supporters gain a better understanding of what their loved one has gone through. I rarely come away from the meetings feeling anything other than positive energy and proud of the group, but tonight was different.

Dori and I in Maine Three years ago tomorrow, we had to say goodbye to my sister Dori. Her rupture was massive and deadly. She ruptured on Mother’s Day and was kept on life support until the 29th of May. No signs of life and no signs of recovery were recorded. They had shaved her long, thick, mostly gray hair from her head completely. She was on life support, a ventilator, and had a drain set up to alleviate and remove fluid on her brain. It’s an image that still haunts me as the last time I saw her.

Some of our discussions this evening at the support group centered on drains and locations of brain aneurysms. Dori’s aneurysm ruptured on her brain stem, which was catostrophic. As these discussions took place tonight with a survivor who had a drain and a rupture, the image of Dori in that hospital bed was running on a loop in my head. I’m glad we flew back from London immediately to see her at the time, but it technically wasn’t her in that bed. She really was gone the day of the rupture but I see her in that bed this week and my heart hurts because I miss her so very much.

I know for those who have lost a loved one, the support group can be sad, educational and scary all at the same time. Usually I’m naturally focused on the survivor side of it because I am one, but unfortunately, I also have the flip side as part of my life in losing my sister and Dave’s niece to massive ruptures. The successes (me surviving I guess) don’t quite balance out the failures (losing Dori and Kim) but life still goes on around us and I’m still alive to try and help others if I can. If we’re able to get one person scanned or help one survivor understand their situation better and offer comfort, then those lives lost will always be with us as a reminder at how precious life is and how we all can DO something.

Living with and surviving brain aneurysms

Too Many “Firsts”

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As the holidays descend on me, it’s another group of those dreaded “firsts”:

  • The first Thanksgiving without my mom and my other sister.
  • The first Christmas without my mom and my other sister.
  • My first birthday without my mom and my other sister.

Unfortunately, I’m no stranger to those “firsts” after losing a loved one, but it never gets any easier and it’s always a struggle to know how to behave during festive times when you’re dealing with loss. Each loss has provided me with another new chapter or phase that one must get through. Yes, I’m tired of it. Enough, God! I’m tired. Give me a break.

I’m thankful we drove to NY last year for my 50th birthday and for Christmas. As it turned out, it was the last time I saw both my sister and my mother. I’ll be thinking about that this Christmas. It will make me sad and I’ll probably not look at the photographs we took last year for some time.

My wedding photos have been difficult to look at since the death of my sister Dori in 2012, but now my other sister Rhonda and my mother will be two more “ghosts” that will haunt me when I look at the photos. I know that’s the wrong way to think of it, but they make me sad. I wonder how long it will take me to look at those photos and not be sad. It was such an incredibly fun day and we all had such a fantastic time.

I don’t have a group of friends who come and visit me and check on me and take me out for fun things to do. I don’t have close friends who make me wonderful comfort food when I’m having a hard time. As it has been since we lost Dave’s niece in 2008, it’s just Dave and I here on the stream. We rely on ourselves to be each other’s rocks and it’s a hard burden to bear for both of us. How much can we say to each other after each loss? We do the best we can and we take strength from each day we’re here to spread the word about brain aneurysms. We have to. It’s all we can do to truly honor Kim and Dori’s memory – trying to save another life.

I’m tired of planning services. I’m tired of losing the people I love and I’m tired of grieving…and yet, I have more to do yet. Granted, I haven’t spent every Christmas with my mom since I moved to Maine in 2000, but we have made it back to NY every couple of years to spend the holiday with her. I miss her voice. I miss her laugh and her wacky sense of humor. She’s irreplaceable and I knew the day would come when we’d have to say “good-bye”, but I hadn’t expected it when it happened. Grieving can suck the life out of you, but I have more life to give apparently and God keeps testing me. I wish he’d stop…I’m good! Really! Oh, and by the way, while we’re at it God, my own brain aneurysm angiogram checkup in January needs a clean bill of health, okay?

So, this Christmas I haven’t decided yet if I’ll put up our Christmas tree. I love Christmas. I love Christmas carols. I have listened to carols for a few weeks already, which was a big no-no in our household growing up! Mom refused to let us play Christmas carols on the piano until after Thanksgiving. The only exceptions was music we had to rehearse for band concerts because we usually started rehearsing those earlier in November. Rhonda played clarinet, Dori the saxophone, and I played the clarinet and piano. I supposed I love listening because they’re familiar, comforting tunes and I know all of the words. 🙂

I remember we couldn’t WAIT to get the Christmas books out after Thanksgiving. I found one of those old piano books at mom’s apartment in NY. I may pull out the electric keyboard and see if I’m still able to tickle the fake ivories in honor of my mom. We’ll see. I think I want decorations, I just want to take the time and effort to do it. LOL I need those Martha Stewart elves to come in and beautify my house for Christmas.

One extremely sentimental item I WILL be placing out somewhere, are the old manger pieces from the manger we had growing up. The physical manger is long gone, but the ceramic pieces that went in it have been securely wrapped in newspaper every year since I was born I think. They were even in the original box in my mom’s apartment, which blew me away. Putting out the baby Jesus was something mom always made a big production of. We HAD to put him in the manger last and could not unwrap him from the newspaper until everyone else was in their proper positions.

So, perhaps this year, in honor of mom and Rhonda, I’ll put up the manger, I’ll pause to position the baby Jesus just so in the middle of the manger, and try to be happy and smile. And I should also take a note from the Moms Eulogy FINAL (<–PDF) and read at my mother’s service and “Have Fun!”. I’ll try…I’m trying.

Stop and Visit

Published on by heiditea1 Comment

Each year of our KAT-Walk and Karo-5K I have been at the tent representing the Maine Brain Aneurysm Awareness committee, only leaving it to help other volunteers if needed or if I am participating in the walk itself. Before, during, and after the event, we try to provide people with support, information, and education about brain aneurysms.

SURVIVORS:
If you’re a survivor, like I am, we encourage you to make yourself known at the event by stopping by our tent to say “hello” and to sign in. Each year we’re very encouraged to meet new survivors as well as those who survived an aneurysm many years ago and choose our event to celebrate the fact they survived. We are also very aware some survivors don’t want to draw attention to themselves or make a ‘big deal” out of it, but it IS a big deal. Brain aneurysms kill too many and if you survived a rupture or were lucky enough to have your aneurysm treated before it ruptures, then you’re very worthy of attention at our event.

Please stop by, say “hello”, and sign in. Not only is it a wonderful feeling to know you’re not alone, but seeing, and getting to know another survivor can give newly diagnosed or treated survivors a tremendous amount of encouragement and comfort.

NEWLY DIAGNOSED
As our Brain Aneurysm Support group continues to draw new members, we’re also very aware there may be patients who have been newly diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. Hearing those words can be extremely frightening, especially if one has no idea what an aneurysm is. It’s only AFTER you’ve been diagnosed and seen at the doctor’s office that the questions seem to present themselves.

At our Brain Aneurysm Awareness tent we can provide you with informational booklets and brochures to help you on your journey. The types of brain aneurysms, different treatments, and what to expect after treatments are all part of the learning process when you begin your brain aneurysm journey.

Also at the tent you’ll meet other survivors who can help answer some of your non-medical questions and hopefully ease some of your fears.

THE WALL OF HONOR
Two years ago we started the Wall of Honor where families can place the name of a loved one who has been lost to an aneurysm or the name of a survivor.

If we are aware a survivor is registered for the walk or run, we try to have their name pre-printed and placed on the wall prior to the event, but each year we meet new survivors and we welcome you to visit the tent, write your name on one of the colorful sneaker stickers, and place your name on the board. You survived…you deserve a place of honor.

Wall of Honor

If you’ve been unfortunate to have lost a loved one or friend to a ruptured brain aneurysm, we also welcome and encourage you to remember them with a place on our wall. As with the survivors, if we know family members of one who was lost are registered for the walk or run, we try to honor their memory with a pre-printed sneaker sticker on the board, but if you’re new to the walk and want to honor your lost loved one, please stop by the tent, write their name on a sneaker sticker and proudly place it on the wall to honor their memory.

We try to keep it to one sneaker per survivor or loved one. If the name you’re looking for is already ON the board, we have seen other family members and friends taking pictures with the sneaker with their name on it. The Wall of Honor has become an emotional place for some and a proud place for others. A true brain aneurysm community develops on the day of the event and it gives one hope, comfort, and encouragement.

 

SUPPORT COMMUNITY
Next to our Brain Aneurysm Awareness tent we will have a tent set up for the Maine Brain Aneurysm Support Group.  For those who are unable to participate in the events, we welcome you to rest here and enjoy the festivities with other survivors and family members.

 

Chatty Cathy

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We had another brain aneurysm support group meeting in Portland. The turnout was not as good as in previous months and we’re sure it’s because of the beautiful weather we were having. There were only two of us for quite some time, then we learned the speaker had to cancel due to a death in the family. Now what?

Finally a few more people showed up and a decision to simply have an open forum of discussion was agreed upon. There were 21 at last month’s meeting and this month was about half that at 11. There were four survivors and 3 care givers, two mental health care givers, Dave’s sister Nancy, our own medical person from the hospital and a reporter. I knew there was a possibility the reporter would be there to write a story, so we were very pleased when a few more people showed up.

As it turns out, it was probably one of the best group sessions the reporter could have attended because there WASN’T a speaker. We spoke freely, asked questions of one another and shared frustrations, fears, and our collective “brain bling” because the four survivors in the group were craniotomy & clipping recipients. It was a wonderful hour and 15 minutes of sharing and in some cases educational for a few.

I seemed to think I was overly talkative when I thought about it afterwards. I think because the reporter WAS there, I wanted to make sure some of the efforts of our group and our events were brought to attention as well as some of my own personal experience. And perhaps I did a bit too much. Probably the reason the reporter never spoke to me personally about my experience…I blabbed about it the whole meeting. LOL I was the only one she didn’t seem to speak with afterwards. I guess I gave her enough info…and then some, or my story just wasn’t that intriguing.

It was nice to speak up and out. I don’t get the opportunity very much, other than in this blog, and I never know who is, and isn’t reading my blog because they rarely make themselves known to me. I enjoyed knowing I could speak freely and have people understand some of what I was talking about. I hope I didn’t do too much or interrupt. Listening is the most important thing you can do at a support group meeting. It’s why we’re there…to lend support and allow people to speak. I just spoke…and spoke…and spoke. So I apologize if I ran over anyone. Chatty Cathy can be powerful!