Rough Drive

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I went into work later on Thursday to join a mandatory meeting in the afternoon, then I left at 3:00. As I was leaving the parking lot, I remember thinking it was the best I have felt leaving work in a long time and I was going to suggest to Dave that we go into town for dinner and then groceries.

BUT, on the drive home, I started having problems with my right eye. It was very odd. It wasn’t double vision, it was like a ripple of water was partially blocking my vision on my right eye. It was very discerning. Not painful and it really wasn’t to the point where my vision was blocked, it was just annoying and disturbing.

At the last intersection I come upon, I almost called Dave to ask him to come and pick me up, but then it cleared up so I continued. Then, just as quickly as it cleared up, it came back and I drove slower to get home.

I immediately sat down on the couch and closed my eyes upon entering the house. Not even taking the time to kiss Dave our usual “hello” when I arrive home from work. My head was slightly hurting and my fingers has been slightly numb in my right hand.

I closed my eyes for 15 or 20 minutes and my vision cleared up. My head felt better, but I still didn’t feel right. Then later, I had a horrible upset stomach, so not sure what’s up with all of that or if any of them are even related.

Finally!

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I finally have an appointment set up with a neurologist up in my area. I’ll be seeing Dr. Jennifer Yanoschak on April 9th in Oakland. I have to get all my X-rays though, so that should be fun! From Maine Med, from Dr. Kwan, and from Maine General. At least I have a month to get them.

I’m looking forward to at least asking someone about the nerves on my right hand and why my fingers still go numb sometimes and why my eyes still bother me some times and how long sneezing will hurt me. Questions my neuroradiologist couldn’t not answer and my regular PCP didn’t answer.

I hope she’s nice and patient and takes the time to really listen to me and answer my questions…if she can!

A Poem

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This poem was posted on the Brain Aneurysm message board. Not by the author, but by another annie survivor.

I’ve been having a strange week. I’ve been thinking about my stay in the hospital for some reason. I have no idea why, but it has been depressing me and this poem just puts it all back in perspective. Couldn’t have been better timing. I hope the author doesn’t mind my posting it again.

Advent at Middle

I am no longer waiting for
A special occasion;
I burn the best candles on ordinary days

I am no longer waiting for
The house to be clean;
I fill it with people who understand that
Even dust is sacred

I am no longer waiting for everyone to understand me;
It’s just not their task

I am no longer waiting for
The perfect children;
My children have their own names
That burn as brightly as any star.

I am no longer waiting for
The other shoe to drop;
It already did, and I survived.

I am no longer waiting for
The time to be right
The time is always now.

I am no longer waiting for
The mate who will complete me;
I am grateful to be so
Warmly, tenderly held.

I am no longer waiting for a quite moment;
My heart can be stilled whenever it is called.

I am no longer waiting for
The world to be at peace;
I unclench my grasp and
Breathe peace in and out

I am no longer waiting to
Do something great;
Being awake to carry my
Grain of sand is enough.

I am no longer waiting to
Be recognized;
I know that I dance in a holy circle.

I am no longer waiting for
Forgiveness;
I believe, I believe.

From Mary Anne Perrone
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Groceries

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I never, EVER thought I would be excited about grocery shopping. Today was the exception.

I couldn’t hide from the big stores any longer, so I decided I’d go with Dave to get groceries today at Shaw’s Supermarket. It’s the first time setting foot into the big grocery store since before the ruptured annie. I was nervous, but once I got into the store, I remember where everything was just fine. I’d been going there for years, so I wasn’t doubting I’d remember where things were…unless they moved them on me which, thankfully, they did not.

Being armed with a good, detailed, very organized list didn’t hurt either. I was prepared. If I had had to wander around aimlessly looking for “something” for lunch and no knowing exactly what I was looking for and going up and down aisles….could have been bad.

I did very well and that pleased me. Only once did I start to feel confused and thought I was going to have to ask Dave to help me, but it passed. I got everything on my list and checked out. I was quite tickled I did so well. During the ride home (Dave drove), I got amheadache and needed to close my eyes. I felt like I had just crammed for a big test…my brain was tired for lack of a better description. The shopping trip was a lot of work for my brain and I was feeling it. Not horrible pain, but it was there.

Overall…this was a BIG step. I’m still not sure I could stop at the store for the BIG grocery trip on my way home from work and then drive home, but I could certainly go with Dave on the weekend and help. Dave did say I shouldn’t go by myself for awhile, so we’ll work into it slowly….just as I’ve done everything else. It did feel good to grocery shop….and that’s probably the last time I’ll EVER say that!