Either a transformation takes place between my house and work in my car, or I just don’t look like I used to! People at work constantly tell me I look tired. I’m sure I am, but I’ve never had so many people, almost on a daily basis tell me I look tired. It usually comes after they ask me how I am. I usually say “Good”, then they’ll say “You look tired though”.
I know my hair is thinning and my makeup isn’t what it used to be….I think I just need some SUN!
I went into work later on Thursday to join a mandatory meeting in the afternoon, then I left at 3:00. As I was leaving the parking lot, I remember thinking it was the best I have felt leaving work in a long time and I was going to suggest to Dave that we go into town for dinner and then groceries.
BUT, on the drive home, I started having problems with my right eye. It was very odd. It wasn’t double vision, it was like a ripple of water was partially blocking my vision on my right eye. It was very discerning. Not painful and it really wasn’t to the point where my vision was blocked, it was just annoying and disturbing.
At the last intersection I come upon, I almost called Dave to ask him to come and pick me up, but then it cleared up so I continued. Then, just as quickly as it cleared up, it came back and I drove slower to get home.
I immediately sat down on the couch and closed my eyes upon entering the house. Not even taking the time to kiss Dave our usual “hello” when I arrive home from work. My head was slightly hurting and my fingers has been slightly numb in my right hand.
I closed my eyes for 15 or 20 minutes and my vision cleared up. My head felt better, but I still didn’t feel right. Then later, I had a horrible upset stomach, so not sure what’s up with all of that or if any of them are even related.
I finally have an appointment set up with a neurologist up in my area. I’ll be seeing Dr. Jennifer Yanoschak on April 9th in Oakland. I have to get all my X-rays though, so that should be fun! From Maine Med, from Dr. Kwan, and from Maine General. At least I have a month to get them.
I’m looking forward to at least asking someone about the nerves on my right hand and why my fingers still go numb sometimes and why my eyes still bother me some times and how long sneezing will hurt me. Questions my neuroradiologist couldn’t not answer and my regular PCP didn’t answer.
I hope she’s nice and patient and takes the time to really listen to me and answer my questions…if she can!
This poem was posted on the Brain Aneurysm message board. Not by the author, but by another annie survivor.
I’ve been having a strange week. I’ve been thinking about my stay in the hospital for some reason. I have no idea why, but it has been depressing me and this poem just puts it all back in perspective. Couldn’t have been better timing. I hope the author doesn’t mind my posting it again.
Advent at Middle
I am no longer waiting for
A special occasion;
I burn the best candles on ordinary days
I am no longer waiting for
The house to be clean;
I fill it with people who understand that
Even dust is sacred
I am no longer waiting for everyone to understand me;
It’s just not their task
I am no longer waiting for
The perfect children;
My children have their own names
That burn as brightly as any star.
I am no longer waiting for
The other shoe to drop;
It already did, and I survived.
I am no longer waiting for
The time to be right
The time is always now.
I am no longer waiting for
The mate who will complete me;
I am grateful to be so
Warmly, tenderly held.
I am no longer waiting for a quite moment;
My heart can be stilled whenever it is called.
I am no longer waiting for
The world to be at peace;
I unclench my grasp and
Breathe peace in and out
I am no longer waiting to
Do something great;
Being awake to carry my
Grain of sand is enough.
I am no longer waiting to
Be recognized;
I know that I dance in a holy circle.
I am no longer waiting for
Forgiveness;
I believe, I believe.
From Mary Anne Perrone
Ann Arbor, Michigan
