Category: Fatigue

Looking Back

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In looking back at this time last year, I was still struggling. Struggling with my balance, my head pain and my every day life. A little over a year ago, I was still using a cane and had barely set foot into a store, much less drove my car.

Yes, I have made some major milestones in the last year. I feel very good and am starting to exercise again. We’ll see how well I can stick to it this time. I went back to work full time in April and although the catalog was a huge, huge struggle for me this year, I did it.

I still get very tired, which is a little frustrating and I still feel “brain tired” when I overdo it at the computer, or pretty much anything that involves a lot of brain work. Even everyday things.

Last year I recall being frustrated with how pooped I’d get wrapping presents and how I was unable to assist with the Christmas tree as much as I would have wanted. This year, I hope to make some more milestones by stepping it up from last year and being able to do more.

Dave, as usual, has been wonderfully supportive and caring. I still don’t know what I’ve done to deserve him, but I’m a lucky woman all the way around.

Delayed Reaction?

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It’s interesting. I went through the week leading up to my 1-year anniversary, a little apprehensive, certainly reflecting on the past year and the same time last year, and looking forward to getting on with life.

However, in the days and week following THE day, I’ve had very odd feelings. I’m unable to fully explain them…I wish I could. As I type this, I’m numbering page files for the final catalog files to send to the printer tomorrow. I never got to do that last year…I was in the neuro ward. I’m running across emails that I sent out just a day or two before the annie ruptured last year…and I’m thinking about how I sat at my computer, overly stressed, overly tired and completely unaware of what was going to happen the next morning. I’m trying to remember if I was experiencing any headaches or neck aches or eyes aches, but I can’t. And that just seemed to come with the territory while working on the catalog anyway, so I probably
wouldn’t have thought much of it at the time.

I almost started crying….while checking page numbers! LOL How add is that. I didn’t cry on the anniversary. I didn’t cry when speaking to my sister about her experiences last year, nor when Dave speaks of what happened last year. I certainly start to feel emotional, but isn’t it odd that a solitary, technical, unemotional task like numbering files almost got me! LOL Very strange.

I’m just glad I survived this year’s catalog. It was just my main goal to see if I could do it again, but then all hell broke lose at work with people critical to the process leaving, then the same old stressful crap that’s always associated with the catalog was there, only magnified because I’m just not able to work as quickly or as efficiently. BUT…I did it. That’s a HUGE accomplishment, so kudos to me!

Thoughts

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It’s odd. As the one-year anniversary of my ruptured brain aneurysm looms closer, as I repeat doing some of the same things I did last year, I get “nervous”. I can’t think of any other word for it. It’s like, if I do the same things I did last year, it’ll happen again or something. Even though I know it won’t. Silly really.

I also think about the things I did last year not knowing I had the little, well, NOT so little, time bomb there. The stress of work is bringing it all back heavily. How did I not burst an aneurysm during the previous years of the catalog? Why didn’t it burst during my most stressful days last year? Certainly, it could have been worse and I’m very lucky to be here to experience all the lovely stress of THIS year’s catalog process, but I can’t help think about last year and how close I could have come to facing the grim reaper.

It’s almost like I’m reliving last year, but this time with the knowledge I had the aneurysm. It IS making me take things slower and easier and I’m giving myself more breaks and trying to enjoy life more this fall than I did last fall. I’m just lucky I’m HERE this fall to enjoy it right? No one reads this…not sure why I ask questions! LOL

Worn Out Brain

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Today was one of those days where I just had so many different things going on that my brain feels exhausted. My eyes do too.

It’s amazing how having to concentrate on multiple tasks now can overexert my brain. Working on catalog, getting five different ads out to five different publications, a business lunch, a Dr’s appointment, a monthly calendar designed, then a stop to get a prescription filled THEN the 30 mile drive home! Is it any wonder we just had pizza for dinner tonight? LOL Who wants to cook?!?

When I’m just working on one TYPE of thing, I’m usually not quite that exhausted. It’s the different varieties of projects that can wear me down mentally now. Juggling in my mind isn’t as easy as it used to be pre-annie apparently. I really have to concentrate to make sure I sent things to the right publication, then print out the copies and files everything correctly. Sounds simple doesn’t it? It used to be.