Struggling

I am hoping that other survivors will read this post and understand what I’m going through…no one else seems to know.

Last Friday I learned that Dr. Kwan, the man whose handy-work is in my brain, whose hands God guided to very likely save my life, who is the only Dr. who does what he does in the state of Maine….no longer practices medicine. I haven’t officially been informed, but a fellow patient of Dr. Kwan’s heard it from his office.

This is very scary and concerning. If something were to happen to my coiling…I’d have to go to Boston probably. Not that I don’t think they’re qualified, but it wouldn’t be the man I trusted and looked to to help me and guide me. He’s one of my “support team” as my therapist says. Also, since I don’t know WHY he isn’t practicing medicine, I’m a little concerned about the work he did on my brain! How could I not be?

Well, he’s the third of my “support team” to leave me in the last 3/4 of a year. My OBGYN and my neurologist left the state. So now, not only do I have to find two new people to trust, but probably one of the most important people, is gone. I’m very scared.

Add to all of that… I learn on Tuesday that my job is being changed at work.

So, is it any wonder I’m stressed? Is it any wonder I’m so freaking scared about my future, not only at work, but for my health? And now I can’t even get a note from my Dr. who did the coiling to say I need to take some breaks at work. Lovely.

I’m hoping someone out there will understand. My therapist is on vacation and others just don’t seem to get it. I’m really, really, struggling with all of this and there are no easy answers.

Dr. Kwan Be Gone

I received a disturbing email from my friend, and fellow annie survivor, Julie, about the miracle man who performed our coiling procedures.

Apparently, he is no longer at Maine Med, or moved to Mass General, or was fired…..we don’t know yet. I dread finding another Dr. I’m so tired of having to go through my history with so many doctors and I trusted Dr. Kwan very much.

I asked Julie to let me know when she found out more.

Walk For Thought

I had a Dr’s appointment today and the word “Brain” caught my eye on a brochure in the waiting room so I grabbed one. It was a brochure to advertise the Walk For Thought on March 22nd to support the Brain Injury Association of Maine. Something about it just struck me and I wanted to participate in some way.

Well, I had 50 minutes to wait for the Dr., so I decided I’d take the plunge and register for the walk. It’s a 3-5 miles course. I’m not sure I can do the whole thing, at least not without some breaks, but I’m willing to give it a shot to support the kind of programs the the BIAM offer because my recovery could have turned out very different and both Dave and I could have been in great need of their services.

I registered, then sent out some emails to get donations for my walk. I was amazed at the instant generosity by my co-workers. One co-worker reminded me her father had suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm 11 years ago. He’s very different, but he’s alive and is still here for her…others have not been so lucky…so I walk!

I also walk for my cousin Jennifer.

Coiling Graphic

I was doing a search last night on platinum coils and ran across this graphic on the BBCNews.com website from 2005.

Brain Aneurysm Coiling
How, and where coils are inserted into brain aneurysm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wish I had found this graphic a year ago when I felt like an idiot for asking Dr. Kwan how he got to the left side of my brain from my right groin. LOL A pretty amazing procedure and this is a very simple explanation.

Then it made me think of just how lucky I was that this massive annie didn’t rupture more than it did. How it didn’t rupture during some of the most strenuous and stressed other periods of my life prior to last Oct. is beyond me.