Fear of Falling

Okay, so I haven’t been dizzy, I’m not unstable, and I’m not overly clumsy. There…that’s out of the way! No, I do not use a cane. I used to…when I was recovering from my ruptured brain aneurysm, but that was in 2006.

I’m sure any, if not all, of brain aneurysm survivors know what I’m talking about. Since my initial rupture in 2006 and with my additional procedures this past spring, I’ve always had this low-lying fear of falling and hitting my head and causing further damage to my coils, stents and unruptured aneurysm. I know it’s silly, but it’s there.

I have “caught” myself from falling on a number of occasions and even that slight catch will jar my head and I’ll feel it. I’m sure only those who are here, know what that means and feels like.

Well, last Friday morning I fell up the concrete stairs into our new office building. Not used to those stairs yet. No, I didn’t hit my head, thankfully, but this is the first time I think I’ve really fallen and didn’t have control. It DID jar my head and that scared me. I just had to sit there a bit and take stock and realize, that although I had some scrapes and had hit my shoulder badly, I was OK.

Thankfully, I fell UP the stairs because I fear going down them would have been worse. I suppose this fear will alway be there. Just another added “benefit” of the lovely aneurysms.

Oh, and thanks to being on Plavix after my stenting in March, the bruise on my arm is VERY colorful to say the least! LOL Ice is helping, buy it’s damn sore.

Still, it wasn’t my head, so I’m thankful.

A Little Free Advertising?

Okay, so some free advertising never hurt anyone right? I wore my Aneurysm Survivor shirt to the Coastal Maine Botanical Garden’s today. I figured if anyone had suffered a brain aneurysm or knew someone who had, they might strike up a conversation with us.

One woman asked me if I had survived one (well, duh…that’s what the t-shirt says!), and I said yes. She didn’t have any family members or friends who had, but was a nurse, so she knew what they could do. She said I looked great. I told her “God bless you and tell your friends!”.

Then another young woman asked me about the shirt and told me she knew a young mother of three who had a rupture. Her 5-year old had found her and called for help. Thankfully, she survived as well and is doing great. Dave pulled out the business card with the Walk 4 Brain Aneurysm Awareness info on it and told her to let her friend know. She was from South Portland.

It seemed like we were peddling the walk, but the more people in the state we can get involved, the better. And it just so happened she was local, so it seemed fine. She may not have felt that way, but she did accept the card, and we thank her for doing that.

Arterial Challenge 2011

The main reason Dave and I traveled to Massachusetts this Memorial Day weekend was to participate in the
10th Annual Arterial Challenge Run and Walk to benefit research and awareness for brain aneurysms through the Brain Aneurysm Foundation in MA.

For those of you who don’t know, I’m a ruptured brain aneurysm survivor and two years after my rupture, we lost Dave’s niece to a massive rupture. So, we’re very involved with trying to raise awareness so that perhaps some lives can be saved. We also have our own walk in September in memory of Kim and to raise money for research and awareness. In fact, at one point along the walk, before Kim’s name was even mentioned, I felt her hand in mine and felt her right beside me. It was strange and wonderful at the same time.

I was also looking forward to meeting up with a fellow survivor. Julie and I came to know one another because we had the same Dr. perform our life-saving coilings back in 2006 in Maine. She has participated in our walk and we’ll both be “celebrating” our 5 year annie-versaries this year. We befriended one another on a message board, and she also befriended another survivor, Lori, who would be at the walk as well.

We all met up in the registration area. Thankfully, although it was still warm and muggy out, it was a cloudy morning. Perfect weather for a walk and run. We were participating in the walk part of the day. It was a 1.5 mile walk through a lovely area of Humarock, MA along the ocean.

Everyone received their t-shirts for the walk and we started promptly at 9:30. We all chatted throughout the walk and took it at our own pace….pretty slow. LOL Hey, I just had a brain procedure about 4 weeks ago, Julie still has issues and Lori is a damned walking miracle and is about to undertake her 5th (I think!) open brain surgery in a couple of weeks. Slow was just perfect for us.

It was nice to get to know Lori. She’s been through such a tremendous ordeal. Something like 10 titanium clips have been used on her one aneurysm, which is a massive 4cm. (about 1.5″). My 8mm one is barely 1/2 inch. She has endured so much and has such a fantastic attitude and is living life to the fullest! She is unable to perform her job, but her sense of humor has certainly remained fully intact and you have to love that. I won’t be complaining about my black and blue marks or my measly 5 pills I have to take every day anymore after meeting her. She showed us a list of about 15 pills she has to take…TWICE a day.

After the walk, many people who had participate in the walk and run met at local restaurant and chatted about their personal stories and congratulated one another for completing the walk or run. The sun even came out. A very nice gathering and good company.

Julie brought her mom who drove every day from MA to Portland after Julie had her rupture. They’re both very warm and outgoing women with great strength and passion. Lori was traveling from Florida with her very good friend Cindy. What a magnificent wealth of friendship Lori has in Cindy. I envy that. She is truly blessed and rich in that regard. Cindy is a gem. And I had Dave with me. My angel, my chauffeur, my go-to-guy and love. We’re ALL survivors….caretakers included.

According to their Facebook post, the Brain Aneurysm Foundation said this about the walk: “We had almost 600 participants, including 270 runners. Thanks to all the fundraisers and teams who helped The Brain Aneurysm Foundation raise over $50,000 at the Arterial Challenge.

I’d say that was a HUGE success! I think just having other survivors and caretakers meet with those who have gone through the same thing can bring great comfort and we can continue to spread the word about the signs and symptoms (if you’re lucky enough to have them) to the general public AND health professionals.

And I pray Julie continues to heal and solutions are brought forth to ease her discomfort. I also pray very hard for Lori who will undergo a serious bypass operation in June. She HAS to come through that because she’s going on a Disney cruise to Hawaii next April!

Two Weeks Out

Almost two weeks ago, I had my brain aneurysm re-coiled at Maine Medical Center in Portland. I’m doing very well considering the little scare at the end of the procedure.

My headaches have been minor. I have to keep reminding myself that THIS coiling was due to a problem with the aneurysm and not a rupture like it was in 2006, so the tense and dramatic issues my entire body had to deal with almost five years ago was due to the rupture and not the coiling.

A co-worker’s husband had a rupture the day after my re-coiling. He’s very lucky to be alive. And it AGAIN, brings to light just how lucky I was and am.

Fatigue is something I’m still battling, but that’s par for the course with any procedure apparently. I know it will get better. I also need to assist in that regard with eating better and eating foods that increase my energy level and, oh, I don’t know…maybe getting some exercise? Easier said that done….exercise also makes me tired. Right now I’m nervous about getting up at 5:30 to using the treadmill. I’m so sleepy that I’m afraid I’ll lose my footing and crash into the wall behind it. At least…that’s the excuse I’m using right now! LOL

I’ve never weighed as much as I do now, and I’m not crazy about it, but I AM alive. I’m alive.