The Frustration with the Frustration

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It has now come to my being frustrated…because I’m frustrated! Yikes!

I get frustrated when I can’t just up and do something that I used to be able to do….like get in the car and go to the grocery store. I don’t like HAVING to rely on people do so much for me, especially when I CAN do other things, but not some still. Stores are still the biggy for me. So it’s double frustrating.

I feel guilty asking for something. I feel like I’m a burden sometimes. I know I AM, but I don’t like feeling that way. But I can’t help it sometimes…I have to be. I don’t like it anymore than they do. I just can’t do the big stores yet. I know I can’t when the smaller stores still bother me.

I could only un-decorate HALF the Christmas tree and Dave ended up  having to take down literally everything else. I felt so horrible, just sitting up was a struggle. I hate to have him do that and wish I could have done more. I may have been able to, but much later in the day and even then, not sure how much.

It’s frustrating being frustrated!

Pseudo Migraine

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I had a really good day on Friday. I never had to take a pain pill (only a Sudafed very late in the day) and I seemed to have some energy.

I did about five ads for work at my computer, ate really well, walked 20 minutes and even drove Dave and I into town to pick up a pizza for lunch. So, it was with great surprise that
Saturday turned out to be so crappy.

I awoke with some pain, but that’s nothing unusual. I ate breakfast and felt better. Took a shower while Dave went
to the dump. When he returned, he got all the Christmas storage boxes down and we began putting Christmas away finally.

My job was the tree. I got about half of it undecorated, then proceeded to completely poop out and get a little dizzy due to all the turning around and bending over. I guess I was thinking un-decorating the tree wouldn’t effect me as much as decorating it did seeing how it was almost a month later. Guess not.

Then, my eyes started to give me trouble. CRAP! Another migraine? I didn’t want to take any chances if it was, so I
immediately took two Excedrin Migraine pills and went to bed for a bit. I had some pain for awhile, but nothing major. I got up to eat something and the pain wasn’t bad, but I sure had no energy and didn’t feel good in general. I felt that
way the rest of the day.

Perhaps it was just sinus or everything I had done on Friday was effecting me the day after. I don’t have a clue. I
couldn’t take another pill until around 7 p.m.. Since Benedryl had helped earlier in the week with my sinus, I took another one of those, but it really didn’t help. I didn’t feel good right up until I went to bed. Pretty much all day…which meant poor Dave was left doing everything again. Why does he put up with me?

It’s frustrating when I get a false alarm on a migraine, but I don’t want to NOT treat it if it feels like one. The Excedrin always makes me feel woozy and jittery any way, but at least it helps with the duration and intensity of the migraine pain…IF it’s a migraine.

I don’t like not knowing what’s causing my pain. Before the aneurysm, I knew a migraine from a regular head ache. I
knew a Sinus headache…I know a stress headache. And, in turn, I knew what to take for it, but when I take something to help pain that I don’t know what thenroot cause of it is, then it turns out NOT to help, I can’t take anything else
for awhile, so then I suffer.

I guess I really need to find that neurologist now so perhaps they can help me know what’s serious, what’s sinus,
what’s aneursym, what’s migraine and what might require a new scan. It’s true I feel having another check up and scan six months after something this serious is a long time to wait. But I guess that’s the norm and it’s normal to be concerned when you have head pain after an aneursym. Even though the neuroradiologist told me a signal for a problem with the existing aneurysm would be something more catastrophic, I can’t help but think that another aneurysm has developed and these are symptoms of it. How can I not when I had an aneurysm before, but never knew it. I know I”m just being paranoid, but some days, it’s hard not too be.

I guess this blog has become the “complain and whine” blog. I know other people are going through much worse than me right now and probably never complain. God bless them. I guess my threshold for pain is just too low and I need to vent.

The Big Drive!

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I work 30 miles away from my house. It’s a nice 60 mile drive round trip and especially icky on winter days, but since we have had no winter yet to speak of, I thought I’d try the drive today on my day off from work.

I had a Dr’s appointment up in that area. I had Dave drive me up in my car to the appointment, then I drove home. The “busier” part of the trip was at the start, so the easier part was towards the end. It really worked out well, especially at that time of day. Noonish.

The drive didn’t really bother me. I noticed my concentration kind of wavered a bit once we got closer to home, but that may have only been due to the fact I was very hungry and there wasn’t as much to keep me at attention during that section.  You forget just how much you should concentrate while driving…and how much I just took for granted. It’s taxing.

As my friend Deb in NY said after I told her about the drive:“We forget how much concentration driving actually requires until we don’t do it for a while. Sometimes, some of us should keep in mind just how much we should be concentrating on our driving instead of putting lipstick on, lighting a cig, drinking coffee, eating something…(and I can do ALL of those
things AND drive stick, but really, should I?  I think not…)”

This was a big step today. I’m glad I did it. Not sure I’m just ready yet for the whole drive and it may not happen again for a couple of weeks, but at least I know my limitations a little bit and at least one way….it wasn’t bad. I was tired and my eyes were bothering me, but nothing horrible.  So, that’s a very good thing.

Walking

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When I was in the hospital I suffered from some serious back pain due to being bed-bound as well as the blood that leaked out from my aneurysm had to have some place to go and seeped into my spinal fluid. Actually, on a couple of days the pain in my lower back and right buttocks superseded the pain in my head! That’s how bad it hurt.

I knew in order to help alleviate that back pain and help my overall recovery, I needed to walk. Each day, once I was
moved to a semi-private room, with Dave’s help because I had to drag all the IV contraptions with me, we’d start a walking routine up and down the hallways, down to the waiting room, over to the Barbara Bush Children’s Hospital wing and back again. We’d do this always once a day, if I was feeling up to it, but usually twice a day. It made me feel like I was making progress, especially on the days when finally relieved of the IV’s and Dave had other errands to run, I was able to make it down the halls by myself with the walker, then the cane.

I was realizing on Monday that I was getting more exercise in the hospital than I was getting at home. Yes, I was doing more activities at home and at work, but nothing to exercise my body as well as my brain.

So I started walking on Monday. Not outside, not on a treadmill, just in he house for 15 minutes to start with. I did a pretty brisk pace and use the last 5 minutes as a cool down. I hope to continue doing that every other day and build up some kind of routine again.

Today, once I got this darn sinus headache under control, I walked another brisk 20 minutes with the last 5 minutes as cool down. I grabbed my iPod as well to get a little motivation
behind me. Nothing like a good old Kenny Loggin’s tune to help get the blood flowing.

Now, I realize I’ve done this a whopping TWO times, but it’s a start and one I need to continue.