Notes from the Past

Today at work, I know I should have been working, I opened a folder in my personal email from home and found an email from a friend from a couple of days after my surgery last Oct.

Included in the reply of this email was Dave’s initial email to everyone telling them of my ruptured aneurysm and the surgery and some personal “just between you and me” comments. Reading this and seeing brought home how scary this must have all been for Dave. I’m so glad my sister flew in to be with him during the surgery and how I wish he had had someone with him to help him through it. He certainly helped ME get through it.

I’m very lucky.

Why Bother

Why is it that when I have worries, when I share those concerns with people, all they say is don’t worry about it?

Saying “don’t worry about it” doesn’t validate my feelings, it only makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, or bad because I have concerns. How is that helpful?

I have every right to be feeling concerned because we’ve lost three key people  now in the catalog process at work. I was concerned simply about my own job and my own well-being during this year’s catalog after my ruptured annie last year and now a lot more is going to be dumped on our department as well as me.

So, just let me feel worried, okay?

Breakfast

On the weekends, especially a bright sunny one, I like to eat my breakfast in the bedroom in front of our french doors facing the water. I carry a tray in, set it on the ottoman and watch the morning DIY shows or other shows I have taped during the week.

Well, for some reason, yesterday morning, I thought about how I first got home from the hospital. I was so out of balance and couldn’t carry anything, or bend over at all. Sweet Dave used to get my cereal, hard-boiled egg, juice, milk and sometimes tea for me and carry it in to the bedroom for me on a tray. How far I’ve come since then. Thankfully so.

Again, I am reminded of how lucky I am. I most certainly could have been far more severely impaired. Not being able to work, or worse, not being able to see or fend for myself.

The fact that I was able to work outside in my garden yesterday, clearing debris and checking on my “babies”, is wonderful. Lucky and very fortunate to be here.

A Walk in the Garden

The last time I set foot in my garden was last November, a short time after I had come home from the hospital. When I entered the hospital, the leaves were still out on the tree. When I got home, the tree were bare and the lawn was covered with the leaves. Stepping into my garden at that time was depressing and overwhelming because I had planned on putting a lot of things away and digging things up. With Dave assistance, we did get some of this taken care of, but not as much as I had hoped.

Yesterday was the first time this spring I ventured into the garden since then. It was a beautiful, very warm spring day. I had to get out and enjoy it and ventured out to my soggy garden to snoop around and see what was possibly growing. My foxgloves, tulips and some primroses all have new green growth, which pleased me to no end. Then I walked around and sat down on the deck in the sun and started bawling. Completely came out of left field. I think it hit me that I may not have had the opportunity to see this all again had my rupture been more significant. The view, things growing in spring in my garden, the sound of the birds, the warmth of spring sun on my face again…it was overwhelming and I guess that God kept me around so I could enjoy that. I had just calmed down and walked out to the potting shed when Dave came out and it hit me all over again. LOL. I told him about it, he teared up, I cried again….the ground wasn’t the only thing that was soggy! LOL

I will have a whole other appreciation for the things in my garden that have survived the winter this year mainly because I survived too!