Category: Support

Breakfast

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On the weekends, especially a bright sunny one, I like to eat my breakfast in the bedroom in front of our french doors facing the water. I carry a tray in, set it on the ottoman and watch the morning DIY shows or other shows I have taped during the week.

Well, for some reason, yesterday morning, I thought about how I first got home from the hospital. I was so out of balance and couldn’t carry anything, or bend over at all. Sweet Dave used to get my cereal, hard-boiled egg, juice, milk and sometimes tea for me and carry it in to the bedroom for me on a tray. How far I’ve come since then. Thankfully so.

Again, I am reminded of how lucky I am. I most certainly could have been far more severely impaired. Not being able to work, or worse, not being able to see or fend for myself.

The fact that I was able to work outside in my garden yesterday, clearing debris and checking on my “babies”, is wonderful. Lucky and very fortunate to be here.

A Walk in the Garden

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The last time I set foot in my garden was last November, a short time after I had come home from the hospital. When I entered the hospital, the leaves were still out on the tree. When I got home, the tree were bare and the lawn was covered with the leaves. Stepping into my garden at that time was depressing and overwhelming because I had planned on putting a lot of things away and digging things up. With Dave assistance, we did get some of this taken care of, but not as much as I had hoped.

Yesterday was the first time this spring I ventured into the garden since then. It was a beautiful, very warm spring day. I had to get out and enjoy it and ventured out to my soggy garden to snoop around and see what was possibly growing. My foxgloves, tulips and some primroses all have new green growth, which pleased me to no end. Then I walked around and sat down on the deck in the sun and started bawling. Completely came out of left field. I think it hit me that I may not have had the opportunity to see this all again had my rupture been more significant. The view, things growing in spring in my garden, the sound of the birds, the warmth of spring sun on my face again…it was overwhelming and I guess that God kept me around so I could enjoy that. I had just calmed down and walked out to the potting shed when Dave came out and it hit me all over again. LOL. I told him about it, he teared up, I cried again….the ground wasn’t the only thing that was soggy! LOL

I will have a whole other appreciation for the things in my garden that have survived the winter this year mainly because I survived too!

A Poem

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This poem was posted on the Brain Aneurysm message board. Not by the author, but by another annie survivor.

I’ve been having a strange week. I’ve been thinking about my stay in the hospital for some reason. I have no idea why, but it has been depressing me and this poem just puts it all back in perspective. Couldn’t have been better timing. I hope the author doesn’t mind my posting it again.

Advent at Middle

I am no longer waiting for
A special occasion;
I burn the best candles on ordinary days

I am no longer waiting for
The house to be clean;
I fill it with people who understand that
Even dust is sacred

I am no longer waiting for everyone to understand me;
It’s just not their task

I am no longer waiting for
The perfect children;
My children have their own names
That burn as brightly as any star.

I am no longer waiting for
The other shoe to drop;
It already did, and I survived.

I am no longer waiting for
The time to be right
The time is always now.

I am no longer waiting for
The mate who will complete me;
I am grateful to be so
Warmly, tenderly held.

I am no longer waiting for a quite moment;
My heart can be stilled whenever it is called.

I am no longer waiting for
The world to be at peace;
I unclench my grasp and
Breathe peace in and out

I am no longer waiting to
Do something great;
Being awake to carry my
Grain of sand is enough.

I am no longer waiting to
Be recognized;
I know that I dance in a holy circle.

I am no longer waiting for
Forgiveness;
I believe, I believe.

From Mary Anne Perrone
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Working

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Today marked the start of my third week of working three days a week. I put in four hour days the first week of Feb., then worked until 2:00 last week and tried it to 3:00 today. That might have been pushing it. If I didn’t have to drive home 30 miles afterwards, I could probably put in a full day….or maybe not.

With my disability running out in March, I’m starting to feel I’m on a strict time table to work a full 40 hour week, but I might not happen for awhile yet and I’ll just have to take the cut in pay and lose all my personal/vacation time if need be. I’m not sure if the disability can be extended if the Dr’s say I need more time or not. Looking into it.

It has felt good to have to get up in the morning and be somewhere, other than a Dr’s appointment. I’m feeling useful again and that’s really important. I just wish I weren’t so darn tired when I get home. It takes a lot out of me. I am sleeping better the nights I work, so I guess that’s good, but it also makes it hard to get up in the morning.

My annie-related headaches are decreasing in intensity finally. I find my eyes are bothering me more than my head right now. They get very tired and sore after working and driving and stores are still an issue. So I’m still recovering and have to remember that. I’m a long way from 100% still, but it’s getting there.

I’m trying not to complain to people at work when they ask me how I’m doing because in reality, compared to where I was in October, I’m doing great. I shouldn’t be complaining. Poor Dave has to endure my complaining. He’s been a saint through it all. I’m not sure I deserve him.