Category: Milestones

I’m Really Glad

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I’m really glad I have kept a record of my recovery from my ruptured brain anuerysm, coiling surgery and recovery. Even though the entries from the first few days are more remembrances, than actual recordings of the day’s events, it has proved to be a terrific reminder of just how far I have come.

The simple things of doing a loud of laundry or loading the dishwasher as being daily accomplishments are a good reminder of how unstable and insecure I was back in Oct. & Nov. and how much progress I have truly made since then. The headaches directly related to the annie, the blood leakage and the surgery have ceased. I’m back at work full-time, driving and grocery shopping. I think it’ll be good to remind myself of those days when I’m feeling frustrated with the things I still can’t do fully. I may NEVER be able to work at top speed on some things again, but it’s good to remind myself that I wasn’t able to do much less than that for a short period of time. Thankfully, it WAS a short period of time. As I have continued to state….I’m very lucky.

A Test

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Dave and I drove to NY to visit my family for the first time since my rupture last October. My sister Dori had flown in for my surgery, but no one else has seen me since I was in ICU. Thankfully, I looked much better than I did then!

Dave did all the driving and it’s probably a good thing. The drive was very tiring for me. I was still awake at the end of the 11 hour drive, but I can’t say I was too alert! LOL We did a lot of visiting, but kept our schedule relatively open to leave us free time so I could rest…which I didn’t do much of. Only a couple of days during the trip did I really “feel” it. As I walked, I kept waiting for my hind quarters to catch up with me….meaning my arse was really dragging, but it was all worth it.

One amazing thing. We stayed at a new hotel and casino. I really wasn’t sure I’d even be able to go into the casino with it’s flashing lights, bells & whistles. So, I was expecting to not even go in, but lo and behold, it didn’t bother me. The first trip through was a little rough, mostly because they allowed smoking, but was extremely well ventilated. That kind of threw me. We did not gamble, so I’m not sure if actually playing a slot machine would have bothered me. I wasn’t going to push it.

I know I waited too long to make this trip, 7 months, but I really wanted to make sure I was okay and that I could do the trip. I would have hated to get there and be useless and not be able to spend the quality time that I did with my friends and family.

Now getting back into the swing of work again, I’m really feeling the strain of looking at my computer all day as I hadn’t looked at a computer screen for seven days. I don’t think I went that long without seeing a computer when I was in the hospital. I worry about my job longevity on days the strain of looking at the screen all day bothers me. I guess until I CAN’T do this job anymore, I won’t worry about it…easier said than done though!

For those of you who have suffered a ruptured aneurysm, or have a family member who has, be patient with them and enjoy any time you have with them….it may just be your last. Savor those moments.

A Walk in the Garden

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The last time I set foot in my garden was last November, a short time after I had come home from the hospital. When I entered the hospital, the leaves were still out on the tree. When I got home, the tree were bare and the lawn was covered with the leaves. Stepping into my garden at that time was depressing and overwhelming because I had planned on putting a lot of things away and digging things up. With Dave assistance, we did get some of this taken care of, but not as much as I had hoped.

Yesterday was the first time this spring I ventured into the garden since then. It was a beautiful, very warm spring day. I had to get out and enjoy it and ventured out to my soggy garden to snoop around and see what was possibly growing. My foxgloves, tulips and some primroses all have new green growth, which pleased me to no end. Then I walked around and sat down on the deck in the sun and started bawling. Completely came out of left field. I think it hit me that I may not have had the opportunity to see this all again had my rupture been more significant. The view, things growing in spring in my garden, the sound of the birds, the warmth of spring sun on my face again…it was overwhelming and I guess that God kept me around so I could enjoy that. I had just calmed down and walked out to the potting shed when Dave came out and it hit me all over again. LOL. I told him about it, he teared up, I cried again….the ground wasn’t the only thing that was soggy! LOL

I will have a whole other appreciation for the things in my garden that have survived the winter this year mainly because I survived too!

First Full Week of Work

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I did it….well, ALMOST! I worked a full week, but worked from home on Thursday due to a snow storm. The other four days, it was 8:00 to 4:30 for the first time since last October.

My eyes get very tired easily still and physically I get tired, but not too bad. I have finally forced myself to get up and get away from my computer, even if it’s for 10 minutes. That seems to help. I’ve been eating better the last several weeks. No eating as much sugar and flour products and I think that’s helping as well. I don’t FEEL as tired that’s for sure.

It has been a long six months, but I’ve come a long, long way. I’m proud of myself. I feel like I should celebrate in some fashion…take myself out to dinner or buy myself a bouquet of flowers and have them sent to work or something. Maybe I’ll just make myself some scones to celebrate on Easter weekend. Yeah, that’ll probably be it.

I still get caught up in the daily frustrations of the company and my coworkers. That will never change. I’m TRYING to just realize there are important things to get upset about and there are unimportant things that shouldn’t take up that much of my energy. It’s a hard lesson to learn. Old habits die hard, but things have been worse. My life could have been much worse as a result of the annie, but I’m still here and I should remember that I’m actually very lucky to be experiencing the day-to-day “crap” in the work world. I know I missed the daily human contact with others while I was homebound.

It’s very difficult for me in the mornings when I say good morning to say someone and they say “What’s so good about it”, or anything else that’s negative to not get into their face and say “You have a job! You’re walking, talking, thinking and breathing! You’re ALIVE…now shut up!”. We take so much for granted on a daily basis. I’m guilty and I’m sure are too. Take advantage of, and live your life to the fullest. If you have wanted to take the quick weekend getaway? Do it! If you want to spend a day at a spa? Do it! Treat yourself. You only have one life.