Author: heiditea

Tea Lover

Handwriting

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Now, it is no secret to those who know me, that my handwriting never was pristine, but after my annie rupturing and coiling, it is worse. Taking a quick note requires a team of archeological scientists to come in and make sense of it. I have to be very deliberate if I expect anyone else to read it. However, it WAS even worse at one point!

Dave’s sister had given me a note pad in the hospital, along with some other goodies, and while cleaning up some papers around my desk today, I just discovered some notes I had taken while in the hospital. Wow, was my handwriting REALLY bad at that time. I’m amazed I can even read them.

I obviously had intentions of recording the events in a blog or journal of some sorts in the future as I discovered one notation entitled:

”You know you’re in the hospital when…:”

  • Jello is the meal you most look forward to.
  • When you can easily share ANY bodily functions with complete strangers.
  • Having hairy legs, hairy armpits, but a clean face is considered a “wash-up”. (At least I think that’s what I wrote. LOL)
  • Two weeks seem like four LONG days. (I’m still not sure what that one means. Hey, I was heavily drugged.)

There were also other scribblings.  I think I started to write some things down after seeing the Dr’s because they’d always come in so early in the morning, I’d never remember what they said by the end of the day. I was also writing down terms to look up online later to make sure I knew what people were talking about.

And I recall the occupational therapist coming in and asking me to write some things and that was rough to remember how to write that first time. I had to write my address…I think. I can’t quite recall.

Anyway..my handwriting still isn’t good, but at least it’s better than it was when I was in the hospital. LOL

Strength

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My 2nd cousin, Jennifer, has been battling brain cancer since 1999. The fact she’s even here is a miracle and yet she continues to show such strength and character through pain and trauma. I’m in awe.

Her brother, TR set up a web page on the website The Caring Bridge. I have never heard of this website, but it’s a fantastic way to keep a wide range of people from all over the country up-to-date on the progress she is making.

As I was reading the posts and Jennifer’s story, and realizing just how long she has been battling this, it struck close to home. It hit me that only a little over a year ago I may not have been here and here she is being so brave and putting on a strong face when she’s in so much pain………I got very emotional. It just hit me suddenly. I’m small change compared to what she has had to endure. I don’t know why it’s hitting me so strange…..perhaps I’ll find out when I see my therapist next week. Survivor’s guilt?

I also have two other 1st cousins who have battled aneurysms and thankfully, we’ve all WON, but with three 1st cousins with annies and the daughter of another with brain cancer, I’d think all of our cousins would be running to have MRI’s and angiograms….they SHOULD. I know my cousin Toby has had an MRI (I believe) since her sister and I had our annies coiled…and thank God everything looked good, but I worry about my two older (40’s & 50’s) sisters who are heavy coffee drinkers, drink alcohol and have been smokers for many years. All things I’ve read that make them at risk for annies. Hereditary, smoking and age – it makes me scared.

I’m scared for Jennifer and yet I’m hopeful the new and progressive treatments she is about to undertake will help her. God has kept her on this planet for a reason and hopefully he still has other plans for her here.

For those of you with family members battling illness, check out The Caring Bridge website. It’s a terrific vehicle for sharing and sending messages to those who need it.

Another

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It was very nice…a coworker asked me how I was doing. I said “Fine”. Then she said “No, Heidi…HOW ARE YOU FEELING?”. LOL She obviously meant the post-annie recovery. I haven’t been asked that question by anyone at work in so long, it threw me.

I informed her I was doing great. She asked about after effects and I explained the fatigue and the brain fatigue and some limitations on physical activities, but that considering what could have happened, I’m doing great. She asked if it changed my life at all…well, absolutely! I value my time AWAY from work far more than I valued my time at work and that work is not the most important thing in my life. My LIFE is the most important thing. Everyone in the lunchroom who overheard it was nodding.

Still Limits

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Well, Friday at work I had a five hour meeting with no real lunch break. I can’t do that anymore I have learned. Wow, was I beat, tired and fried afterwards. The brain fatigue was quite evident. Then after getting my grocery list together once I got home from work, my head starting hurting…right where the annie is/was.

Saturday, we decorated the Xmas tree. It took me a long time to get going, but once I did I got into it and again, probably did too much at one time. Nothing like I was last year however when I had to stop every 10 minutes to take a break and drink some water. Things were still “settling” last year but I find that bending over still bothers me..at least doing it too quickly…or doing it too quickly after a day with a five hour meeting! LOL

The tree looks beautiful and has many more ornaments on it than it did last year due to my sluggishness at that time. I’m just happy to be here for another Christmas!