Tired and Grumpy

It’s my 2nd week of working part-time from home. I was exhausted on Saturday after just working Mon., Wed, and Fri. I was glad it was Saturday…I needed the rest and I took full advantage and did absolutely nothing….well, only after I made tuna fish and pasta salads. THEN I laid down on the couch all day and enjoyed every last second of it.

The time change didn’t help either because we lost an hour. The mid-afternoon sleepies hit with great veracity, but instead of taking a long break and going back into my office to work later, I’m making myself work through it by getting up and walking and keeping myself awake. Not sure how that will work when I get back into the office, but it’s where I am right now.

The scar on my head has been aching and I’ve notice an indent where the bone flap/plate is more than I ever have before. Not sure if it’s because swelling has gone down or if there is still swelling around my jaw bone that makes the indent more pronounced, but I’m not crazy about it. I think I feel it more than I see it so it bothers me more as a result of feeling it. I’m having some trouble sleeping and I know I need my sleep, especially at night so I make it through the day better. Still wish I could sleep on my left side….I miss it!

Just feeling a little down. I know I’ll probably have to take it easy this year in the garden, which means I won’t be planting much, nor weeding much. Right now, my garden is too high maintenance and frustrating. Weeds take over, japanese beetles destroy all my roses and there isn’t enough sun for the plants that are there, so they flop over and depress me because I should be taking better care of it and I poop out after July. Why do I bother? LOL It’s just a big hodge podge of stuff. No rhyme or reason behind anything planted there.

I know bending over and overexerting myself will prevent me from doing the work I usually do each spring in the garden and that will be frustrating. I DID plant hundreds of tulips this past fall though, so hopefully, if we don’t get spring flooding and they all wash away, I’ll have a late spring display that will make me smile.

Fatigue, Shmatigue!

I’m beginning to feel some energy coming back, or perhaps it’s because I have worked two days from home and took a real drive in the car. Getting back to a normal life is part of recovery, but fatigue is still evident.

The Brain Aneurysm Foundation has some really good explanations as to WHY one is so easily tired after an aneurysm. They say:“After an aneurysm, many people report that their energy is diminished after relatively little activity or effort. It is natural to want to return to previous activity levels as quickly as possible and many survivors become disturbed when fatigue gets in the way. Their frustration is often rooted in the belief that inactivity equals “laziness” or poor effort.”

Even though I’ve been through this process before, just on a different level, and KNOW the fatigue would be a part of it, it IS still frustrating. The BAF also says:“You should keep in mind that fatigue is a necessary part of the recovery process. Fatigue should be considered a positive sign of progress, rather than a negative sign that indicates poor effort, or ongoing disease process, or a “plateau” in the rehabilitation process.”

The following statement is the one I found to be the most telling and the best explanation on fatigue:“After a brain aneurysm, brain function is disrupted by damage to complex networks of brain cells (neurons). These networks must be repaired for improvement in function to take place, an internal process that occurs over time. The healing process takes energy that the brain did not have to expend before there was damage to the neural network. The brain works at recovering function 24 hours a day and in many different ways, including the reorganization of functions, the re-growth of damaged brain cells, and the cleaning up of debris. Without your knowledge, the brain diverts some of its energy to the process of healing, a process that significantly subtracts from available energy levels.”

It makes perfect sense that the brain needs energy for healing, and as a result, it diverts some energy usually used elsewhere to heal the brain and nerves. I get it now!

“It is important to emphasize that fatigue cannot be overcome by an act of willpower, or by making an extra effort. The human body knows when it needs rest and that rest is a restorative process.”

Now it’s a game of balancing being lazy with getting the rest I need.

Day of Rest?

Today was supposed to be my day of rest after working yesterday, but I’m not sure I did such a good job of it. I was tired when I woke up…or rather when my cat woke me up, over and over again, but not as bad as I was expecting to be. I’m pretty sure the good nap yesterday helped.

I wanted to try driving again and Dave needed to go in to town, so I offered to drive. This time I drove into town and back home. It was a bit of a struggle on the way back as I could feel my confidence and awareness waining. It was the perfect amount of time and distance to try this out again.

Had a pretty good headache when I got home and needed to lay down and rest. I did not rest enough though. Should have napped. Tomorrow could be interesting, but I got a full drive in today, so I’m proud of myself for getting that done. Need to do it more. One day at a time.

First Day of Work (at home)

I’m going to try working at home this week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday to see how that goes for me. I got up early, washed my hair, fed the cats and ate breakfast at my normal “work” time then at 7 a.m. I made the short commute into my home office. I need to get used to sitting at a computer screen all day again.

I did okay until about 9 a.m. then had to step away from the computer and walk around a bit. At 10:30 I needed to close my eyes for about 15 minutes, so I set the timer on my computer and sat back in the chair. Ate lunch and walked for 10 minutes inside, then pretty much pooped out around 2 p.m. I TRIED to get a full 8 hours in, but couldn’t keep my eyes open after 7.5 hours. Then slept for an hour and a half.

Not sure how I’ll feel tomorrow, but it’s a start. I received a beautiful floral bouquet from a friend and that sure put a smile on my face and perked me up!