Category: Kim

Devastating Couple of Weeks

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A few days after Christmas, we received news that Dave’s niece, Kim, had died of a massive ruptured brain aneurysm. It was bad enough we lost her at the all-too young age of 32, but once we found out the cause of death, it threw a level of other issues at me because I too, had suffered a ruptured aneurysm.

Why did mine rupture the way it did and why didn’t I die? Why? Why? Why? All questions one can’t answer. I have my own “whys”, her mother has her own “whys” as do many other people. Like most undetected annies, Kim didn’t know she had it and as far as everyone knew, she was very healthy and living an active, if not stressful, life at the time of her death.

There are so many people who survive ruptures, so many who do not and even the consistent threads that DO link some of these people together such as smokers, hereditary, age, women….aren’t consistent enough for people to instantly know they have an annie. Some smokers who have a history of annies in their families, never get aneurysms, while other families have multiple deaths and ruptures in their families.

It was just the irony of Kim having one when she was not a blood relative of mine and didn’t display any of the so-called “symptoms” that may, or may not, occur from an annie. She did suffer from migraines, but so do millions of other people and they do not have aneurysms, so one can’t say that was a “sign” for sure. My mother had migraines, both my sisters do, my aunt and myself. I’ve had two first cousins with annies and myself.  I wish my sisters and niece would get CTA’s. At least if you KNOW you have one, you have a fighting chance of surviving. If you don’t know you have one, and it ruptures, chances of survival decrease the older you get and obviously, the severity of the rupture, location and size of the aneurysm. So many factors
come in to play and it’s different for every person.

I started to look at it like suffering with an annie was something special and because the brain is effected, it’s just that much more serious than anyone else’s maladies, but truthfully, it’s no different than suffering a catastrophic heart attack or stroke, or being hit by a car. You may, or may not survive. Many are lucky, many are not and trying to figure out the “whys” can eat you alive.

As Dave says…”It is what it is.” and often times we just have to accept what “is” and move on no matter how terribly difficult it can be without those we love beside us.

Also today, I get news that my cousin Jennifer, who had been fighting a brain tumor since 1999 is close to death’s door. How painful it has been to read her brother’s posts on The Caring Bridge website about her battle and how terrible is must be for them to watch her deteriorate and not be able to help her in anyway. I know how helpless one can feel after watching my own father fade away from us for months. Jennifer has been so strong with her battle and always gave others strength. I pray God gives her entire family strength and comfort now as we wait for news.

10 Months and Counting

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I failed to realize that this past Sunday was my 10 month anniversary of my rupture. And even though I failed to realize it, the way I spent the day was a celebration of life and enjoying it with family and enjoying the outdoors.

It was a beautiful day full of glorious, bright blue skies, light winds, no humidity and warm, but not hot, temperatures. Dave and I enjoyed coffee & tea out on the boat at the dock, then his niece Kim drove up from Portland and joined us. We spent all day out on the water. At least three separate trips with breaks for more food and drink in between. A very enjoyable, restful, un-stressful day with close family.

In the past 10 months I have recovered nicely. Things certainly could have been a lot worse. I take life and do things far more slowly than I used to. I guess that old adage to “stop and smell the roses” is coming in to play. There are just more important things to be concerned about in life. It doesn’t mean I still don’t want to go on a big shopping spree and buy a new wardrobe and drop that 10 extra pounds I can’t seem to lose, but it isn’t as important to me as it used to be. I’m healthy, I have a job and am living each day – and I’m very lucky to have a loving family and my “Maine
Man”.

Dave has been my rock, my handyman, my chauffeur, my broad shoulders, my sounding board and so much more. I couldn’t have gotten through this without him, literally. If he had not been home that morning last Oct. 4th, I don’t know if I would have driven myself to the ER that morning. I don’t know if I could have. Truthfully, I probably would have waited until later that morning and called to see if I could get in to see my regular Dr….and that may not have happened right away. Granted, Dr. Kwan may have very well saved my life, but Dave has save me in so many other ways. I’m so very lucky.

I’m not sure what my one year anniversary will bring. Probably lots of memories and I’ll be so busy at work during that time, I’ll probably be too tired to do much, but I will mark the occasion in some fashion.

I still get headaches, I still get very, very tired, my eyes will still bother me on occasion, I still get winded…but it has been worse. And I’ll continue to hold on to that. 10 months down….many more to go.