Category: Frustrated

Fatigue

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I’m amazed at how some activities still wipe me out. Last Saturday I did a little bit of gardening work. I pruned what’s left of my rose bushes, then proceeded to yank out a bunch of day lilies that have invaded other areas of the garden.

Compared to past years, the hours I spend out there doing this were minor, but for me…this year, it was a lot. I had myself fooled into believing because I was sitting down on the ground, that this would ease the exertion and energy spent. NOT!

I was tired Saturday night, but NOTHING like I was Sunday. I didn’t have a headache, just didn’t feel great and had absolutely no energy by mid-morning. I planted some pansies out on the deck and filled a new baltimore oriole feeder, but it was certainly nothing that would tired me out to any extent…at least it didn’t used to.

I’m still finding things effect me. I’m taking things slower, yet at the same time, I’m losing weight and exercising more. I’m in better shape, but I still can’t quite do the things I used to. I just might not be as sore as I used to, due to the yoga. I don’t know if that will change in a short time, or a long time…or not at all. I have to keep reminding myself that just 7 1/2 months ago, things could have been very different for me. Not years, but months. I’m still recovering and it’s days like Sunday that remind me of that. Slowing down isn’t a bad thing. Stopping to smell what’s left of my roses is a good thing. So what if there are a few weeds. Just do a few at a time. The garden cops won’t come to my house and arrest me!

6-Month Angiogram Tomorrow

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Tomorrow is in my 6-month angiogram to look at the coiling done in Oct. and to check on its healing progress and although I’ve been told the procedure itself isn’t that bad, I’m more worried about the results of the test than anything else.

I wouldn’t have been as worried had I not felt so lousy the last four days. It started on Sunday with head, ear, neck and eye pain and discomfort. I”m sure it’s just sinus, but because I just had a CT scan on my sinus last week and everything looked okay, my mind starts to think it’s something other than sinus….the brain.

Once i kicked my other sinus infection, I was feeling pretty good and exercising and eating better, but since this has hit, exercising is out of the question due to the discomfort in my head and I haven’t had much of an appetite….so now I’m scared.

People will tell me things will be fine, but how can one not be nervous, especially when I’m not feeling very good suddenly. If things look fine on the angiogram then I’ll know for SURE it’s sinus or allergies, or a tooth problem…or…..I don’t know! But at least I’ll know what’s NOT.

I’m just tired of feeling like crap. I have had one angiogram before, but it was right before my coiling and I was pretty out of it. I do remember when they injected the ink. I felt a very hot sensation in my face, but that’s about it.

Bills, Bills, and More Bills

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I have been receiving medical bills since before I ever got home from the hospital. I’ve been instructed by many different parties to “hold off” on paying any of them due to an
insurance company switch at work and people not billing the correct insurance agencies among other things.

I don’t understand a lot of it and it’s very frustrating. I’m not used to setting bills aside (especially big bills) and not paying them. There’s such a sense of responsibility in me that it’s makes me very uncomfortable and uneasy. A few have informed me they were sending the bills to collection agencies and some how we’ve been able to hold that off, but it’s all so involved and confusing that I feel very inadequate because I don’t understand it and that it’s completely out of my control. I don’t enjoy having my financial status in limbo with all these agencies and medical operations. I’m used to paying my bills on time and getting things taken care of in the alloted amount of time. Just frustrating.

Work in Progress

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Just when I think I’m doing okay and getting into the swing of things with work and can possible increase my hours, I have a day like today where I had two meetings, did a lot of work on my computer and it almost did me in to the point I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to drive home.

One of the meetings dealt with part of the process that involves the catalog and it just got me thinking about “that time of the year” and if I’m going to be able to handle the
stress and strain of it this year. I have one day where I think it won’t be a problem, then I have a day like today where my stamina and concentration just is not what it should be and that really concerns me. What if I’m not able to do it? It’s still a few months off, but it WILL come, there’s no avoiding it. The stress and strain will always be there and now with some added duties at work, I’m very concerned. Just doing my normal job of doing ads and other projects is keeping my mind and stamina busy right now.

I think I’m going to have to get some kind of regimen in place to help me deal with it all. A health, work and stress plan. Other wise I’m not going to be much good. OR…perhaps I’ll see if I can complete the catalog WITHOUT devoting myself so completely to the job. It’s a concern, but I have some time to plan for it.